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Great post, Benny. I think we all know a few people out there that fit this bill. We are also probably guilty of a few items on the list ourselves. True enlightenment is knowing yourself. I will use this post to my benefit. Thanks!
Oh I know a few people like that Benny. I can tell you exactly what their days are like, what they watch on TV, what their mindsets are, you name it.
I was talking to just one of these friends the other day because he’s complaining about his “job” not being fair. They are changing their medical benefits and he told his boss he didn’t think he could afford to continue working there. He hasn’t gotten a raise in three years and now his out of pocket has gone up to $1,000. Oh, but he does nothing but play on the computer all day, did I leave that part out? Yep, he wants to get paid more money for sitting on his ass not doing a darn thing and believes he’s being taken advantage of.
So one thing you did leave out of your list is down right lazy. He wants something for nothing and thinks I’m nuts every time I bring it up that he should be doing something online. He has no desire to put in the effort. It’s really sad because I love him to death, wonderful friend, do anything for you, always there, just no drive or ambition.
As for me! Heck, I’m going for the successful list! You with me?
It’s those kind of people that we could help, but they don’t want any help. Like I’ve tried to help this employee. I’ve told him I’ll hold his tip so he’s not tempted to take it and go gambling. He doesn’t want that. So I’ve given up on trying to help him or knock some sense into him. He’s 39, so he’s old enough to make his own decisions. Being lazy is definitely a great one! Your friend wants something for nothing and that’s never going to happen.
I’m with you for being on the successful list!
Guilty of a few of those on the list at different times each week. What would I add though – This week I would add, “Spends too much time watching and reading everything about Tim Tebow because it’s just so dang crazy.” – guilty but will be checking into a Tebow News Detox tomorrow. Other than that I am doing pretty good.
I’m guilty of a few of them as well Aaron, but moderation is the key right? As for your obsession about Tim Tebow, it’s allowed because he’s just awesome. Hahaha. Great story and it’s been fun to watch him play. I hope he keeps up the winning!
This is a nice and funny list. I won’t say I’m innocent of all because I know that I open multiple windows when I work – it doesn’t help at all but I’m already cutting down on it.
Nice list by the way.
The example of the guy you gave at the later end is funny – can’t cope with him (that’s a no go area). LOL.
Thanks Chukwuka. We’re all a little guilty of doing some of these things sometimes. However, it’s just making sure we’re not doing them all the time. The guy I know is definitely crazy. I have more stories about him, but I don’t want to embarrass him anymore. Thanks for your comment!
The sad thing is that I think most of us are guilty of a few of those things. I know I have been guilty of watching way too much hockey since I got back to Canada. Hey, it’s been seven years! 😉 I still have no idea what’s on any channel so I guess that’s a good thing.
Another thing that I am really guilty of is trying to do too many things at once and not focusing on getting things done before moving onto the next task.
A good wakeup call. Thanks.
Hockey? What’s that? I understand watching too much of one sport cause I do that with football. We all get sidetracked and do things we shouldn’t. We just have to make sure it’s not too consistent. I’m with you on focusing on projects. I do need to do a better job of that as well.
Amazing list. I’m disappointed to acknowledge that I am guilty of 9, 11 and 39. But is the odd fiction escape REALLY that bad? There are some phenomenal novels out there, Benny – cut me some slack!
Beyond trying NOT to fall victim to the things on this list, I am also mindful of not nurturing relationships with other people who fall victim to the things on this list. They bring you down.
These are great reminders, Benny. How about recommending a few good non fiction books for me to read?
Hey Ruth! The odd fiction isn’t bad at all. I was just thinking about that employee I was writing about. All he reads is fiction and the newspaper! I love to read non-fiction cause I can learn so much. So I just felt that a little non-fiction once in awhile would be beneficial. Nothing against those who love fiction like you!
Great non-fictions books I’ve read this year:
-Steve Jobs bio
-Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive
-Think And Grow Rich
-The Millionaire Messenger
-Escape from Cubicle Nation
-Between a Rock and a Hard Place (story of a guy who got his arm stuck in a canyon and cut it off w/ a knife. Great story)
-Not Without Hope (survival story of a guy stranded on a boat. Pure torture what he went through)
-When I Stop Talking, You’ll Know I’m Dead: Useful Stories from a Persuasive Man (I enjoy reading books on the movie business and he’s one of the best producers)
Just some that I could think of off the top of my head. Any sound interesting to you?
You seriously think that reading fiction isn’t important? God how I pity you. You are aware of the extreme amount of philosophy, theory and history that is encapsulated in fiction? What about the classics? Homer’s Iliad? Are they unimportant?
Man Benny. I have some changes that need to be made. At least I’m conscience of the “loser” items I fall prey to.
Does reading your blog count as non-fiction? If so, I can cross that one off of the list.
As for the dude who lives in his car with his dog…WTF I’d say, pull some sort of hilarious prank on him and scare the living ish out of him…
Yes reading my blog does count as non-fiction. Even when you read an upcoming post about driving in my Ferrari to my private jet and flying me to my own private island. All non fiction.
Yeah he lives in his car and sadly he lives in the parking lot of our restaurant. My mom is nice to him and let’s him park there. He’s been working for us for a long time but used to have an apt. Now just living in his car. Nuts huh?
Benny, I have no choice but to read fiction. I am an English student. What do you suggest I do? Where is your worldly advice since you know all oh great oracle? Give me a break.
This is great, Benny!
I’d add the following:
1. gets angry easily
2. impatient with others and self
3. focuses on things over people
4. sacrifices things that matter most for those things that matter less
5. can’t accept criticism
6. won’t ask others for help or learn from their expretise
Thanks for adding to it Ken! All very true.
Even just reading the list made my mood go down =(
Good reminders though!
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This is a really good post and it really got me thinking. I originally started with a comment but quickly realized I had so much more to think about and to say.
Please take the time to read my comment, which is actually a post. You can read it on my blog if you like.
That would have been a really long comment! I’m glad you wrote a post about it. It’s fantastic. I just left a comment there.
Possibly the young idealist and nomad in me but I feel that if he doesn’t want an apartment, that’s his choice. But everything else I totally agree on. Always good to have that rainy day, emergency money. You never know what could happen. 45 is one I could relate to. Need to keep on grinding it out when things get tough. As for 8, life really is unfair. It’s up to us to level the playing field as much as possible with what we can control.
Jesus Benny! This couldn’t have come at a better time. I think I don’t know how to ‘plan’ correctly because I have not taken it upon myself to pursue what the right game plan is… I think I’m just ‘busy’ rather than productive. Mmm
Have you read the 4HWW? That’s where I learned that from. Being busy don’t mean you’re productive. I could be busy cleaning my house, checking Twitter, deleting files from my computer, and shuffling papers, but it doesn’t mean I’m doing what’s really important to me. Definitely take a closer look at what you’re doing.
Umm Benny, i think i may be a loser. LOL. WHAH!!! I’ve been guilty of a lot of things on this list. Like living status quo, taking a job to make others happy (mom and dad).
But you are right seeing how others behave badly is a good way to learn how not to behave. In my case, actually having done some of these negative behaviours myself has helped me see how I should not carry on. I just wished i learned faster and when i was younger. but that’s why they say “youth is wasted on the young”
I’ll be the first to raise my hand and say I did a lot of those things on the list! I used to hate reading books, but the library has been a favorite place of mine this year. Like you, I wish I had learned earlier as well. No room for losers around here so you’re free from Loserville!
Man, you really nailed it. Like another comment above, I am guilty of a few myself. Doing everything I can to stop and like you said, do the opposite. Was this list compiled from one person or a lifetime of observing “losers”?
This list was complied by looking at my own life and the bad things I used to do. I looked at the guy I know and used him as an example. I thought about what people shouldn’t do in general. When I ran into a wall for getting ideas, I used Google to help find more things that losers do. I don’t think everyone is going to completely eliminate all 50 things, but instead the non-helpful habits to a minimum.
This blog is hilarious! I read all of this article, and I ended up wanting to meet the 39-year-old you vilified so heavily. For one who condemns those who condemn others, you make an excellent example of your principles by your condemning that man. Contradiction is a ghost in us all, my internet friend.
Benny, I really like this post because it’s realistic and straight forward. However, I would like to tweak number 1:”Wakes up and see how the day goes. Takes things day by day. Doesn’t have goals. Just turns on the computer and decides where to begin” a little bit. Sometimes, We gotta enjoy the present more than worrying about the future. I learn that, no matter how much we plan ahead, there will be unexpected things( just like Pat Flynn in his presentation).
Keep winning, Benny
Thank you for adding that Tram. You’re right it’s nice to just wake up and see how the day goes. It wouldn’t be fun if every day was planned out. We definitely have to be flexible. Thank you for your insight!
You made some really good points. I think there is a lot you can learn from other people’s mistakes. And in the case of that guy you know, there are several things you could learn.
This post reminds me of someone I know. He likes to complain and point fingers at other people a lot. He never takes responsibility for his own actions and blames everyone around him for the bad things that have happened to him. Every time I talk to him he keeps telling me his same goals, but he never does them.
Sadly, we all know a person like you mentioned. That’s just a person to not associate with for too long. That’s why l like the internet, because it’s easier to meet people similar to us.
I’ve got to admit some of the things on the list, I am a culprit of. Sometimes I feel like you just gotta vent or let out some steam. While I do this once in awhile there are some people in my life that I know who do this consistently. No only is it detrimental to their health but it’s also affecting people around them negatively.
Thanks Ryan. We’re not going to be perfect and not do anything of those things. I know I’ll fall from time to time. It’s being on the right side consistently.
Don’t even get me started on some people I know like this with some of these qualities. I saw some of me in some of this post and thanks for the reminder to get it together!
If I could add anything in case I missed it is to avoid miserable people. There are some people I use to know that when you saw them coming it was like a “dark” cloud riding above them and bad luck was on its way behind them. I avoid these people like the plague and keep my distance when ever possible.
Some bad things happen to good people, but you choose to either be miserable or not. Great post Benny!
Writing this post was a reminder to me as well. I agree with avoiding miserable people. What’s worse is when they’re the type that doesn’t shut up. They’ll talk your ear off about their problems. They might have had something bad happen, but it takes 15 mins to tell you the story! So I avoid them as well. Great comment Sonia! Thank you!
Now, that’s a list, Benny. Great pointers to keep me on my toes. I know I’m guilty of some of these, like “multitasking” and “waiting for the right time.” Now, I’ll have to get rid of these bad habits and not be a loser in life. Oh, goodness!
I think you covered them all. Can’t think of anything else.
Thanks, Benny! It’s just in time for the New Year. Have a good one and see you soon.
Thanks you Allyson! I know I’m guilty of multitasking. I KNOW I shouldn’t do it. If I didn’t, I’d be probably 10x more productive. It’s something I need to do better.
Hope you have a happy new year as well and that 2012 is your best year yet! Been a pleasure meeting you this year and look forward to it continuing.
Wish that I could add something constructive to this conversation.
Its really hard for us if we don’t know our inner self. This list is very direct to the point.Love this one.
I loved this list! I’m guilty of a couple, yikes. What I didn’t love is how much you are judging this 39 year old coworker of yours. Did he ask for your help? Is he reaching out to you because he’s miserable? Why do we tear others down to make ourselves feel better?
Thanks Keri. My point wasn’t to tear him down. After I wrote the post, I got some comments from bloggers that if he’s happy, we should be happy for him. They’re right. I suppose he’s happy. He didn’t ask for my help. People at work have tried to offer him help and advice, but he’s pretty stubborn. But he’s aware of his actions. If I told him all of the crazy things he does that makes me shake my head, he’d probably laugh. Ultimately it’s his life. He’s 39 and old enough to make his own decision. It’s just he doesn’t have any family. Parents are gone. No siblings. I don’t know about his outside friends. I just try to be a friend, and not just a co-worker. At least he’s not out breaking the law. He seems okay with his life. He has what he needs. So I stopped offering advice. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help. So I’m sorry if it seemed like I’m saying he’s a loser or anything like that. I just wanted to make a point that if you don’t want to live in a car, play video games, watch TV, and work as a server, then you shouldn’t do those things.
Thanks for your comment.
I’ve got one!
51. Endlessly reads self help books/websites about how to lead an epic life.
Google+ sent me here. This article is pretentious and overgeneralizes. Just because someone finds joy in something the author does’t understand, doesn’t mean they are a loser. This feels more like a vent from Mr. GetBusyLiving (aka Tony Robbins Jr.) about people that don’t share his paradigm.
You certainly are entitled to your views Ryan. The people I write for, look for ways to improve their lives. They feel like they’re not achieving their goals or have enough time for it. It’s because they’re spending too much time on things unrelated to it. But if people are happy doing anything on that list, great for them. They’re happy! That’s what we all want in life, right? If someone loves working 50+ hours at a fast food joint, that’s great. I’m happy that their happy. Even the guy I mentioned in the post is happy I suppose. Someone else pointed that out so I shouldn’t call him a loser. It’s just that I know people that read this blog consistently don’t want to live in a car and be happy playing video games. They want more out of life.
The beauty of the internet is that there is something for everyone and I’m sure you’ll find something better.
Wow! That is a lot of anger. I think its ok to criticize but your comment seems to be very angry. Yes bennys opinions but I share his views. Dont get caught up in the word”LOSER” I think it was used to make a point. If you want more out of life you have to do things differently.
Some might have thought I was a loser when I worked crazy hours. Other people think I’m a loser because I wanted to live abroad. Its all good so chill out.
I would say the word ‘loser’ is not accurate in regards to the list. I think ‘habits of unsuccessful people’ might’ve been a better title. I work my @$$ off doing a job I love, and will occasionally escape reality and read a good fiction novel on the weekends. I do read a lot of non-fiction related to my work as well.
That being said, this is a really great blog as long as people understand that Benny is not going to magically change their life. To Ryan’s point, there comes a time when you have to stop reading self help books and get to work.
Thanks Greg. I agree “loser” isn’t the best word to use, but I used it to catch more attention. Headlines are important to draw in people, but I did try to clarify early in the post, I really meant unsuccessful people. I definitely enjoy losing myself in horrible reality shows once in awhile, but keeping it in moderation.
And I know I’m not going to magically change anyone’s life with one post or a few. I just hope to give people a nudge in the right direction.
Gregg, I think what you said is key.
“there comes a time when you have to stop reading self help books and get to work.”
it can seem like there is a lot of info out there on any given subject. Find what works and get busy living not just reading amd searching. I’m the first to admitt I’m guilty of analysis paralysis more often than not due to the massive amount of info out there on my subject matter.
That’s a great list! I too find that I can learn a lot by watching what others do that I would do differently. He was quite a “teacher” for you!
I think not taking responsibility is the biggest thing you can do to be a loser.(#2) It all starts with that, doesn’t it? Making the decision and going for it with everything you’ve got!
Thank you Lori! I was a #1 loser before by not taking responsibility for my life. It does start from there, and it made a big difference when I began to. Thanks for your comment!
You WOULD write a post this good hahhaa
It’s scary that not too long ago I conquered a TON Of things on this list… It really starts with just being aware. Once you are aware of these things you can then change it.
I can’t say stay clear of everything there now… It’s almost scary to read and go… “OH F#$% I forgot about that one.. I gotta stop doing that” But it’s great to be reminded…
Good for you for writing this, it’s going to help a LOT of people out!
Hey Sal! A little over a year ago, I was guilty of many on this list as well. I’ve improved, but am not 100% innocent. Everything in moderation right? Congrats on your 4HP! That’s so exciting man. I was so excited reading about it. I hope it does a ton in sales for you in 2012!
A lot of those points strike a chord with me! But all are valid. I especially agree that those not able to adapt to change are losers. While I enjoy a comfortable status quo as much as anyone, I have to make provisions for any change in that scenario all the time.
Thanks very much for reading Jean. We have to continually strive to improve ourselves and that involve change sometimes. It’s hard to get out of our comfort zone, but when that zone is making us miserable, it’s a sign that we need to take some serious action.
Hey! I have a membership with Netflixs. I almost got to the end of the list then seen procrastinates. That is my biggest flaw. I wake up sometimes, lay out my work schedule for the day, then think “Hmm, I’ll watch a bit of daytime TV before I get started.”
The greatest barrier to being a winner is fear of losing, I think. Some people just don’t have the guts to go out there and try.
Hey Frank. I completely understand how easy it is to get distracted when there is work to be done. Before I sold my favorite video game this year, I’d say “I’ll just play for an hour” and then end up playing for much longer. Hope in 2012, you’ll work on not procrastinating as much. Thanks for sharing with us Frank.
This is freaking awesome! All of these things I try so hard not to do, often consciously, yet now reading through them, I’m realizing how many of them I’m accidentally failing at. Thanks for the reminder!
Glad reading it helped remind you! Writing it helped remind me as well. It’s definitely worth reviewing from time to time to make sure we’re doing the right things. Thanks for your comment!
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Hi, Benny. Quite a long list here. Though, I believe several items are not universalizable. For instance, “waiting for the right time” is not necessarily a hallmark of losers or of unsuccessful people. Why? Because in most cases, there’s such a thing as the right time. In relation to perfect timing, the hallmark of losers is in not knowing when the right time is.
Another instance. “Makes plans and sticks with it.” Planning is important. Being systematic is important. There are times when one has to stick to a plan and see it through to the end. Afterwards, evaluate the outcome, and if the outcome is unsatisfactory, revise the plan for the next round. The secret here is in sticking to the plan long enough to figure out whether it is wise to continue with it. I think what you were trying to point out is inflexibility and a myopic mindset, which are hallmarks of a loser.
Just my cents worth.
Hi Erich. You made great points. Maybe I should have said not knowing when the right time to start is. Most of the time, it’ll pass and miss a great window of opportunity.
Thanks for sharing!
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I definitely agree that who you hang out with affects what we are, or who we become. But by far, the biggest setback I’ve encountered that can make many people a loser is uncontrolled anger. That can make anyone a loser.
Thanks for reading! It’s not only people that influence us, but also what we feed our minds. News, gossip, negativity. Uncontrolled anger is definitely a negative trait. It’s best to distance ourselves from people like that!
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whenever i see things like this…
you know, things that somehow make an impression to me that…
“hey you should be like this” or “hey, you shouldn’t be like this”
Things should be like this because its ideal… or you must avoid this because people will hate you…
then i question… does it really matter? being successful, being happy? making happy memories? etc… what is life? when we die will i remember all this things…
will it matter if the people, the world i left behind will love me or hate me?
whats the point?…no matter what you do no matter what you become the end point is the same…
what is a life that doesnt suck?
Yes at the end, we all have the same fate. We will die. But until we do, how do you want to live your life? Some people will be forgotten after they pass. Maybe they’re okay with it. Others want to leave great memories for the ones still here. Some want to create a legacy that will continue for future generations.
So yes we will all die, but not everyone will really live.
Oh my god I’m a loser…but whats wrong with taking things day by day?
Judging by this list, I am a loser guilty of about 40 sins on this list. By the way, does this apply to people in general, or can it be applied to people who live in normal societies, or in dysfunctional eastern European societies, like the one I live in? I think the way people around you act or the values a society promotes can influence quite a few of the flaws a “loser” has.
This is my first time visiting your site and admittedly, I found some of your posts more demotivational than inspiring… In particular, this post. Success is subjective, so how can one possible create standards that are applicable to everyone? What you see as a successful life doesn’t necessarily mean the guy in your example agrees. He may see himself as having a great life (and indeed believes it), so who are you to judge? It just makes you sound elitist and pig-headed.
I have no intentions on being a troll, but what you posted here doesn’t sit right with me… Self-development should be about emphasising on one’s strengths and, whilst it also involves acknowledging one’s weaknesses for improvement, this way isn’t particularly motivational. JMHO.
That all sounds like depression to me… The question is, how to deal with and rid yourself of depression.
Well I don’t have experience with depression so I can’t say how to deal with it. I know other bloggers who have gone through depression and now have turned their lives around if you want to know more. Just let me know.
Says it all Benny. Don’t write a list saying what losers people are unless you know every single persons individual predicament. If only we were all perfect like you seem to expect people to be. Go fuck yourself.
Out of curiosity, why does reading news articles make a person a loser? Are you saying that a person who tries to stay informed (as best as possible) about the events and decisions that affect their community, state, country, world is a loser? Really?
If you read it again, I said news junkie. My meaning is someone who consumes news morning, afternoon and night. If it’s part of your job to be informed, then that’s understandable. But does someone need to know what’s going on all day long in the local news? They might watch it in the morning before work, read the local paper sometime during the day, watch the 6pm news, then the evening news before bed. The local news is worse than the national news in my opinion. I read the USA Today every day. I like to be informed.
So yes someone should be informed what’s going on, but doesn’t need to consume it all day long. That’s just my opinion and my experience. Just by not reading the local newspaper anymore, I feel much better.
Still, you can’t just ignore what is happening around you. Reading national or international news is important, but it is also important to understand what’s going on in your hometown in order to keep from becoming distant and an uneducated citizen of your city.
If you enjoy the local news and you want to be informed that’s fine. I’m just saying you don’t need to watch it morning, noon, and night then watch it on TV and then read the newspaper as well.
I personally haven’t watched the local news from beginning to end in a long time. I might catch a segment when I’m flipping the channels. I’ll read the local newspaper if I’m waiting to get a haircut or it’s laying around in a waiting room. I don’t actively seek it out though. I personally don’t find it important to me. If it’s big enough news in the city, I’ll find out somehow.
I agree with Benny here. Watching that much local news in one day is like watching SportsCenter on ESPN every hour ALL DAY. Have you ever tried that? Anyone? It’s painstaking when you try to see the anchors and station attempting to spice up content when all they have is SAME content to use as clay over and over AND OVER again. How many times can you mold it? There is absolutely NO need for it because you absorb your scores and stories and you keep it moving. Period. That’s all the reader/viewer/listener needs and craves. There is only SO much information that can be provided to the reader/viewer/listener before the provider PANICS and vigorously attempts to come up with a methodology to display the news as “shiny new news” or another “ground breaking story” until that news becomes SO watered down that it is now walking a FINE line of EMBELLISHMENT.
There is NOTHING more PUTRID than the local 11 o’ clock news. It’s is the EPICENTER of SENSATIONAL NEWS geared specifically towards roping you in. It’s “hide your kids and lock the door stories” followed by “how this can happen to YOU” with, of course, a hefty dose of “stranger on stranger crime!” (which, if you were not aware of, constitutes <2% of ALL FUCKING CRIME!! IT DOESN'T (BARELY) HAPPEN!!…But they sure as shit make you feel like it's taking place in your Goddamn backyard don't they?! I'm currently in Law School and I have a Bachelors Degree in Criminal Justice from Northeastern University). I hate saying that but I just want you to know that I'm WELL versed with this field of information and data.
With that being said, PLEASE folks, stay away from the local news. Local news is STRICTLY ratings driven and that's THAT.
I am not saying that I agree with everything that Benny is preaching here but I do see eye to eye with him when it comes to keeping a distance from local media outlets. They are BAD, BAD, BAD. Cheers.
Losers are reactive. They let their circumstances enslaved them. Winners are proactive. They find better ways to compensate for bad circumstances.
The blind Helen Keller is the prime example of these winners.
Helen Keller is not an example of a self made person. If she did not have brilliant and patient teachers she would have never become anything. Also if her family did not have the resources to pay for this she would have been nothing but a blind, mute, meat sack. Did Helen put in some extraordinary effort into her training? Sure. But, would she have ever amounted to anything without her teachers and her parents ability to pay for such teachers? No.
HI, i’m an italian law student (or ex student) and i’m stuck in failure. I know it, i feel it and i feel bad. I wake every day knowing next day i will do same stupid things, but i cannot change. The more i would like to change completely, the less i get. I had good marks till last year in university, then i stopped studying and i stopped doing exams. I tried hard with studying (things i do not like, then i have bad memory) until i slowly stopped. I have no friends, i am not able to socialize and i feel alone. I would like to know people but then i remember i have a wrong stupid pathethic life and have nothing interesting to say. Only good thing i’m doing in last months is swimming, even if i’m not good, i’m swimming 3 times a week and i feel a bit better when i do it. I feel better for the next 3-4 hours, then i go back to usual. I feel like i have no future, i hate what i should study but at same time i know i have to do it anyway; so it gives me a painful feeling and i continue to procrastinate, knowing i should not do and feeling bad i’m doing it. I think always to the past, to the fact i was bullied someway (not with brute force, but with words) at high school by some guys and even my (only) best friend and i feel angry with this and life who gave me this. I often think to the life of these bullies and that is much better than mine, one of them finished law university and now he is lawyer as i should have been. I feel like everything is going wrong in my life, nothing is as it should be and lower i go, lower resistence i get to go on. If you feel like a loser, you will act like a loser, and i’m the proof of it. Sometimes i get angry with my parents, cause i feel they should help me, even if i don’t know why. I feel everyone should help me cause i’m in trouble but noone seems to do it. I know it’s absurd but when you feel in trouble, that’s what some people think. I never had a girl (obviously i not even tried to have, since i know i could not handle a girl with my low life and low self exsteem) and i…yes, i masturbate watching porn, about 2 times a day, maybe 3. Since normal porn gets boring, i look for hard things like sex with children (with no violence at all). I know it’s bad and i feel bad about it, but sometimes it’s the only way i can get excited for some minutes and forget all other things. I liked girls, but now i find them uninteresting, or much less interesting than before. Anyway, i don’t feel a real paedo, i feel like these things happen cause i don’t have a social life. If i continue with this life i will suicide one day, i’m sure, or maybe i will kill the guys i hate, then suicide. Why should i leave this world in peace?. That is to show you had bad the life of a real LOSER (and a stupid, dumb idiot) is. I think it is worse than bad, it’s a nightmare. Ah, you said losers never smile…yes it is true, i would like to smile, but i cannot, really. Bye.
PS all what i said is real
Hello, I’m sorry that your life is so difficult, but it can change. Your future doesn’t have to be the same as your past. You say that “I feel everyone should help me cause i’m in trouble but no one seems to know.” I understand you feel like that, but the truth is if you want people to help you just have to ask. Sometimes people can’t read your mind and sometimes they have their own problems to worry about. So it’s hard for them to realize someone else has problems. But if you tell them you need help, or want to talk to them, they will understand and help. The same with your parents. Maybe they don’t understand how you feel in life. What do you need help with? You say you need help, but do you know exactly? If so, tell your parents. Tell your friends so they know how they can help you.
You can’t stop feeling like this because you wake up every day feeling like today is another shitty day. You think about your life and how sad you feel so you think today is going to be the same thing. If you always think like that, then that’s the reality you will have.
I understand it’s hard to change and my reply to you might not help, but what I would suggest is that you talk to a professional therapist. That’s what we call them here in the USA. I’m sure you have something similar in Italy. There is no shame in getting professional help. Like I said, if you want people to help you, you have to go and ask first.
Your life can improve. You can be happy. You can live the life you want. You can smile, but you’re going to have to change from the inside first. Tell your parents if you can that you need help or tell relatives or friends. Try speaking with a professional therapist who can help you in this situation and get you better.
1. You’re not out of the fight until you stop fighting.
2. It’s hard to remember anything that’s too boring to learn in the first place. And law is at the top of that list.
3. It’s not what you can do; it’s doing what you can. If you want to be an athlete but can only wiggle one finger, then do that.
4. What anyone else accomplishes is either inspirational or irrelevant. This is your movie.
5. Someone once asked Winston Churchill what made him special. He said he came up with 100 great ideas a day and only 99 were wrong and embarrassingly stupid. No one succeeds without failure. appreciate it, grow from it, laugh at it, learn from it. And then try again. And again.
6. Sex is a great apple; porn is the maggot in a rotting apple. You used the word “feel” over a dozen times. The isolation, enfeeblement, sense of lack of worth, inability to focus on studying, social isolation, embarrassment, discouraged with yourself, etc. I’m going to bet $1,000 that if you completely stopped looking at any porn for 100 days, you’d be back on you feet and life would change. It’s corrosive. I don’t say this from an ethical point of view. The act of sitting in a chair alone and surfing picture after picture while your glandular system and brain chemistry go completely off the rails, disrupting all autonomic functions, wrecking sleep patterns, etc, etc.
This is your # 1 issue.
If you think I’m wrong, prove it. Just put it away and make it hard to get to (move the computer to a public part of the house, internet filters, etc.)
In 7-15 days, you’ll feel like complete dog poo. THis is your body finding it’s way back.
By 25-35 days, you’ll start noticing you move faster, a little more assured, talk to girls with more confidence, remember better, etc.
The you you could be in this life is waiting for you to start becoming that person.
1. Don’t do porn. -0- because you’re addicted and not accepting that fact yet.
2. Do everything good for you that energy and attitude allow. No excuses, no regrets, willing to fail, and keep going.
100 days of doing what you can and not doing what you shouldn’t.
Your’e depressed. It makes everything harder. See it for what it is and focus past it to where you’re going.
And keep going!
Enjoyed your post tremendously. Going will write a mobile app based on it… need a name for it…wouldn’t mind putting your name in the title to give respect where it’s due. Open to suggestions.
You could just simply named it, “How not to be a loser” or something like that.
How bout the “Me thinks he doth protest too much.” app?
Life isn’t fair, that’s a fact. Anybody who doesn’t do these things at some point or another are either very rich – chemically balanced – or just plain in denial.
you’re right, life isn’t fair, but last i checked.. we don’t live in that animal kingdom anymore and those who seek to use such unfairness to hurt me only gets the same back in retaliation from said animal tactics.
in other words. life may not be fair, but it’s up to you to not exploit that fact, if so, expect some serious physical harm
Wow i see myself in a lot of these. I am successfully combating my ocd in that i think im always right and that everything else is wrong. I was the person freaking out over the smallest things because they did not fit with what i think things should be. I am learning that i need to flow with reality instead of fighting it. But i am a 43 year old man, who plays video games everyday, and does not have goals and dreams. I want to be doing things that matter, but i dont. That said i am married, and my wife and I do spend time togather. I do work hard at my job, and try to love others. But i am sooo failing at my life.
Hi Matthew, I know it might be hard to hear this, but you need to cut way back on video games. You might even go as far as selling your video game system if you truly want to have time for your goals and dreams. I sold my Xbox 360 a couple years ago. I wasn’t playing that much but when I started playing, I didn’t want to stop. I knew it was taking time away from doing other things. But selling it might be too much for you. If that is the case, you should really limit the time you spend playing. Ultimately it’s up to you because you are 100% responsible for your life.
Do you have any skill you want to learn? It could be anything. Just doing something new is what you need. I’m sure you have some interests that you’ve always wanted to do, but have never trie before.
Thank you for responding. I have truimmed down my game playing from what i used to do when i was single, but i still play quite a bit. Mostly when my wife is at work. I just can’t quit cold turkey. i have tried that before, and went back to it. I need to replace something with it. I am a Christian, but i just can’t read the bible and pray all day. Maybe some people can but i lose interest after a while. I thik i am so used to the reward that video games give me on a chemical level that other things just pale. My wife and I have a good marriage, and we do do thing together. But her life is not much more than mine. Work, work at home, and watch tv. we do go to church, but it is hard to committ to anything major, with schedules not being constant each week. As far as intresest or goals, i don’t know anymore. My main goal was to get married, and i thought that one was going to be hard enough, but God came through. My wife sat down beside me at church and the rest was history.
That first one is me to a T.Might as well put my pic next to it : P I have no clue what to do.My motor blew up in my car.And because I was on call using my car I am now out of work.But the last time I was out of work and no car I walked around broke for Damn near a year then when I got a job I felt the ball was in my possession and I ran with it for a minute.I made some poor choices.One being I took in a gold digging bitch for 3 yrs.Two I gambled a lot instead of putting money in my car.3 I took on more than I could handle as a result of all of the above and got burned out.But just like #1 says I just take it one day at a time.Something will give sooner or later.Or maybe I’ll go rob some place or become one of those homeless travelers.Honestly I don’t care.Its the same crap over and over and over again.Same questions with same no answers.I just flat out don’t care.I find a bone once in a while.Hopefully I’ve learned a few lessons over this last decent run.We shall see.. As the world turns.. dun dun DUN!! Oh how exciting life is
Hey Benny.. This is absolutely true and I’m guilty of most of them. I’ve decide to act on it. I’ve started to act on some of them now. Thanks for posting it. I’m gonna turn my life around no matter what.
i love TV and fiction books so guess i’ll always be a loser according to you and your heavily subjective list
I think I have fallen into that victim mentality, I cant even face a new job opportunity if it showed up at my doorstep, I feel pathentic. I need some serious help!
Oh my god, this post absolutely crushed me, I match all the points and I actually seem to be doing ALL of them EVERY SINGLE DAY.
I’m an absolute loser. But I guess I knew that before as I’ve failed everything I’ve ever done in my life anyway and never got anything done actually.
If you want different results, you must do things differently. If you’ve failed and never gotten anything done, then stop what you’ve done and try a new way.
tells the author of a somewhat plausible list to f**k himself because he has 30 reasons on there that are either irreverent or actually a sign the person is not a loser.
compiling a list as if they themselves are stinkless in the sh*t department aswell as needing attention from others by even making lists and labels.
These things just help people to change attitude and behavior to be better person. I’m sure that everyone will get at least 3-5 of these things in life.
This list is ridiculous. Most people fall into many of these. Nobody is perfect. In fact what I have found in life is the people who are overly ambitious and overly proud, well that in itself is their downfall. Yeah they may be successful but everyone really thinks they are asshole. Some people are happy with average lives. In fact it is arrogant to assume that happiness can only be equated with success. Not to mention telling this to people with depression who need months and maybe years of counselling is irresponsible and simple minded. The person who has written this is clearly a loser who focuses far too much on how other people live.
hold up… You say losers analyze other people’s lives more than their own. Well what did you just do in this article with the 39-y/o living in his car??
I just used his as an example
Benny Hsu. This list sounds like you’ve been living a lie for a long time. To even be able to devote this much energy thinking about what a loser is, is to be a loser. Your review on the range of reality you apply the definition of a loser to reveals how tiny your mind really is, and actually contradicts the majority of the items on the list. Every item on that list is something you were programmed to think, by simply being a generalist and simpleton with your mental analytical skills. Monkey.
Benny, I love your posts and i follow your blog to help myself live through my life and i thank you for that. However, I can only half heartedly agree with this post. Why is it that people who obsessively read fictional books considered losers (or not a good thing)? And most importantly, even though you don’t really mean harm, you did bash the 39 year old single guy living in his car. Isn’t that being judgmental? No offense man, but I think you’ve sunk pretty low on this one. I mean, I don’t like living the guy’s life and sure he’s made some crappy decisions but that doesn’t give me the right to label him as a loser. If the guy were to bribe you into doing some of his things, then that’s the point where he actually becomes a loser. In truth, I think you and pretty much a lot of us (including myself at times) are bigger losers than the 39 year old because we judge others.
i will take advice 15) and ignore this BS judgemental list
sadly that’s me
Makes stupid lists…
This is freaking fantastic. You can spend money on self-help gurus, books, and tapes, but this is one of the clearest, hard-hitting documents I’ve seen on the subject. Boiled down it says “stop making excuses. Only you are responsible for your life. You get out of life only what you put into it. Think about what life you REALLY want, and make it happen. Now.”
Having chat, email, twitter, and FB open all at once isn’t multitasking. It’s wasting time. Being able to truly multitask is a key to success. In the real world you must be able to successfully tackle several projects at once. You learn to prioritize. Also, I wouldn’t knock reading of any kind, fiction or otherwise. People who read a lot are good at expressing themselves. Communicating well is a big part of success.
If that’s how the 39 year old guy chooses to live his life, then so be it! It is none of your business. A lot of people live by the mindset of ‘everything happens for a reason.’ And a lot of people ‘live like they were dying’ and spend all the money they make. And, many more people have Netflix subscriptions.
Mea culpa.While reading the above write up I felt as if that you are talking about me. Can anyone please tell me how do I get out of this situation. I am that classic “loser case”. 30 year old single, living in a shared hostel (equivalent to sleeping in a car in US), really feel hopeless. Work my ass off in the office still I am not able to produce good results. Please tell me how do I get out of this situation.
It’s hard to say without knowing much more. Do you have any goals? Do you know what areas of your life you want to improve? Focus on one area of your life you want to improve that would make you happy. For some people it’s losing weight. Some people want to write a book. Just something to start.
Thanks for sharing Benny. I’m 22, ex-law student, waiting for results in order to go for the bar exams but fearing that I might have failed. I wasn’t studying previously because I had a desperate and loser-type attitude and maybe it’s still the same. It goes without saying that I have tons of dreams and I know the way out but I’m too often discouraged by little things that get along, especially when my parents talk about how irresponsible, ill-mannered incapable and good-for-nothing I am. Is it me or they really suck? Now I feel I should get married because I watch too much of porn in order to please myself and forget about how my life sucks. But I wonder whether it’s going to make my life any better. I consult the internet literally to get the answers to all my questions in life; I wonder if it’s normal or not but no matter what, I don’t like to be like others. I want to stand out but I have the impression that my parents, my mom in particular, want to pull me back in order to fit the quorum, what’s their problem?? It might sound absurd and senseless but I hope you’ll be having an appropriate answer for me lol
As for blaming others,
What’s the use in pretending that other’s actions aren’t factors in a failure?
Maybe I’ll pretend in my mask if I think communicating to others about what they did wrong is futile, but I’m going to mentally take note of the cause-effect relationships involved in any given scenario whether those cause-effect relationships involve things people did or don’t involve people at all or even if it involves me.
And some of this is just completely cliché. “Doesn’t smile”. Please. Smiling is a good strategy in a lot of situations but when you’re not actually happy it takes energy to do it so I only pretend smile when it is worth the payoff i.e. at work hoping for a promotion.
You are right other people do screw things up. I suppose a lot of times it is misplaced judgement, trust and other times downright betrayal.
I happened to recognise and agree with a very few examples you gave such as not accepting responsibility, however other than that I found your your article incredible judgemental (obviously!), opinionated, and condescending. I really hope that poor (loser) guy hasn’t read this. But if he has hopefully he is bigger than your condescending BS. I mean for example anyone that takes an interest in the news is the sign of a loser ? Ok why ? Because their own life isn’t so happening that they have nothing to talk about than themselves !? Like you ! Yeah ! ?
Seriously maybe your favourite topic of conversation is your great social life, how much money you have how great your partner is ( though probably isn’t !) and most of all how much of a loser everyone is but you ! Your a pompous pretentious twat.
Clearly you have bigger issues going on. Lots of anger in your comment. You live your life the way you do. If it’s working for you, then great. I’ll live mine the way I do.
Not to mention the news is basicly just lies to scare you into submission… LOL
I would have to agree with Steve Jones. You sound like a pompous jerk. Did you just copy and paste this list from various article or make this up yourself?
I think the ones that leave the most hateful comments about this post are the ones that have deeper issues inside of them. They feel like I’m calling standing right in front of them and calling them a loser personally. That wasn’t my intention. Everyone reacts to this post different. Some say thanks while others like yourself just feel the need to troll the internet leaving comment after comment.
Yet you forgot #51 WRITING lame and highly judgmental articles calling others losers. Guess that makes the writer the biggest loser of ’em all lol
thank you vety much for this post
this is my blog
it’s support you: http://bacbasrtaj.blogspot.com/
Reading this post reminded me just what aholes some humans can be. I agree with some of your points but how is watching the news make you a loser. You need to know what is happening around you and that includes all of earth so that one day you know why the interest rates increased or why fuel is increasing. How is reading fiction something that makes you a loser. Any kind of reading exercises the brain even if it is fiction or not. How about reading the bible or even the Koran isnt that also fiction. Billions of people belief in an invisible man in the sky but you call a guy that hopes to win at gambling a loser.I know people that want money and do what it takes to get it even if it means gambling. The real loser is you that watches other people and then put up a post to tell the world. Not everyone needs material things to be happy and your loser guy you know will find his way. Here is a tip for you human beings well the good ones at least help people up instead of putting them down. Human beings should let people be instead of watching them and thinking they are better than others. You put in one of your points “looking down on people”, isnt that what you did with this post of yours. Hope you are proud of yourself
So many people especially women are desperate to lose some weight. why not buy a pill or go on a special diet.
is the ‘loser’ label not just another form of blame and shame? This is for me the problem with our expectations today which are a set of ideals forced up on us by unnatural circumstances. We do not have what we need and are dissatisfied by default. Money does not grow on trees but we are forced to rely on it; a false dependency it is inaccessible except by specific methods which are unnatural and based in envy. The loser ways are listed as an anti list of compliance to the unnatural effect of controlled resources which were never meant to be attainable to a majority therefore the ‘loser’ is a natural state to live in. Yet the ‘winner’s’ still want to abuse the ‘losers’ for excluding them, when the losers have done the natural thing which is give up and do something that comes naturally like watch TV or read the news or fiction or just say f*** it they are castigated for being real. Grow plants all you losers out there nature will always regenerate herself watch grass grow or paint dry especially watercolour which is beautiful.
Actually a pretty shitty article, just blabbing on and on and pretty much just generalizing everything that “you” don’t like to classify a “loser”.
Writing such drivel to make yourself feel superior is on the way to being mayor of Loserville.
dear jaded faggot:
i get the feeling you either:
a: think you’re better than everyone else
b: been beat by your father and called a loser by schoolmates, or
c: had a bad life and wish to warn/take it out on others.
either way you’re the joke. i suggest you stop treating others..uhh
holy shit i just realized i dont care. later.
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