How to Start Anything and Get Unstuck in Life? Use the Force

Darth Vader

Some of you are still stuck in life. You feel hopeless. You don’t have the motivation to start anything. You have the same routine every single day. It’s predictable. Life isn’t exciting.

You feel lazy or unmotivated cause you’re stuck. You have dreams, but you always fail to take action to make them come true. What will it take for you to finally get started?

I know what it took for me to get unstuck. It wasn’t hope. It wasn’t an inspirational quote. It wasn’t a miracle. It’s something that I possessed, but rarely used.

After years of getting no results, I realized one night I needed to do something about my life.

Like Obi-Wan Kenobi would say to me, “Use the Force, Benny”.

Let’s first talk about why you might feel stuck in life or not getting anything done.

Why do you feel stuck? 

Feeling stuck doesn’t mean your life sucks. You have many things to be thankful for in your life, but the part that’s missing completely makes us forget what’s good.

Everyone’s life has the potential to be how they want it. As humans, we’re the only species on earth that can change the course of our lives.

Yes, you are human! If you’re not and you’re reading this then that’s pretty eerie. But since you’re human that means you can change your life.

Feeling stuck means that you’re not being fulfilled in a way that excites you. Where you are now is so far from where want to be. In that gap lies frustration and hopelessness.

I thought my life really sucked when I felt stuck, but when I looked around me at the time, I had lots to be thankful for. Simple things like good health, a house, a working car, food everyday and running hot water.

But the part that was missing from my life overshadowed all the good things I had.

If you feel stuck in life, I’m here to tell you there is hope. I’ve been there.

Your brain: Friend and Foe

Your brain can be your best friend or worst enemy. Let me explain.

A lot of things we do every day goes into auto pilot. We’ve done it so many times that our brain allows us to do it without much thinking. That can be great. It saves us from having to think about every single little thing we do.

If we had to, our minds would be exhausted by the end of the day.

Have you ever driven somewhere and when you got there you didn’t remember driving there? You weren’t drunk or on drugs (hope not at least). You were on autopilot.

When you wake up in the morning do you have a routine? Probably. You make coffee. You check Facebook. You check emails. That’s your brain on auto pilot. Your brain is your friend in these situations.

The brain can be your enemy cause it’s protects you too much. An important duty of the brain is to protect you from dangerous situations, but it also protects you like an overbearing parent.

Anytime you do something new, your mind will say, “Whoa….slow down there! Wait wait wait. Stop!!”

You stop. Then you start to think about that decision. Your inner voice starts to creep in. You then doubt yourself. You have second thoughts. Then you don’t proceed any further.

You’ve stopped before you’ve even started.

You might be doing something new and exciting. Something you’ve dreamt of doing. It’s not dangerous. It’s not illegal. It’s just new and that’s why your brain stops you.

That is the problem.

Your brain wants to protect you. That’s why it likes routines. It doesn’t like change. Your brain knows what you’re doing has been approved of many times. No warning signals go off.

But if we want to make our lives more exciting, get out of the same old boring routine, or achieve our goals, we need to break though that resistance.

Force Yourself to Do It

We need to break through what is trying to hold us back. In this case, there’s only one way to break through the resistance.

You have to force yourself.

You just have to suck it up and do it. No complaining. No whining. Block everything else out of your mind.

Stop waiting for that one moment when the stars align. Stop waiting for when you feel like starting.

That push your looking for isn’t in one famous quote that’ll inspire you. Nor from another personal development book searching for that one sentence or paragraph that instantly turns you from unhappy to fulfilled in the blink of an eye.

Trust me it’s not there because I wasted so many years searching for something that’d get me unstuck.

I kept waiting and waiting. Then I realized it was up to me to get started.

Remember being a kid? Our parents had to force us to do so many things.

Take a shower. Brush our teeth. Eat vegetables. Do our homework. Stop playing video games and go to sleep.

We didn’t like it most of the time, but we agreed to.

If our parents never forced us, we wouldn’t have done any of those things on our own. I know I wouldn’t have!

Now that we’re adults, who’s going to force you to do what you need to do?

Nobody.

That’s right. This push that you need isn’t going to come from anyone else.

Will your parents force you to starting writing that book? Probably not. They can’t punish you now by sending you to your room.

No one will force you to finally start pursing your passion. Only you can do that.

Who’s going to force you to get off your butt and take some action in your life?

No one. No one’s coming to save you. That’s the truth.

It’s not because they don’t care, but cause they have a million of their own things to worry about.

Even if you paid a lot of money for a coach, they’re not going to care if you don’t take their advice and do something about it.

No one cares about your whining and your sob stories about why you can’t. After awhile that whining gets annoying.

If you know something has to be done, but you’re not doing it, then you’re going to need to approach it differently.

Take your foot off the brakes and step on the gas!

The Three Second Rule

three-amigos

The Three Amigos

Pick up artists teach the three second rule. In a book called “The Game” By Neil Strauss (great book if you want to read about the world of pick up artists), he goes from average frustrated guy to a pick up guru. Along the way he learns what the best pick up artists do.

One important lesson for beginners is the three second rule.

It’s vital for beginners. Why? Think about what the hardest thing is for a guy when meeting girls. It’s not the small talk or how to get a phone number. The hardest thing is approach a woman and start talking!

The three second rule states that you must approach a woman within three seconds of noticing her. You might think that’s way too fast. What will you say? What will you do? What will you say if she says this or that? So many things to think about!

The point is to stop that inner voice from talking to you. You don’t have time to be nervous. You don’t have time to second guess yourself. You don’t have time for limiting beliefs.

It doesn’t give you time to freak out. It also keeps you from freaking her out by staring at her like a stalker all night.

The only way to overcome  your fear of approaching beautiful women is to not think too much about it and just do it.

How does the three second rule apply to you?

Do you ever get an impulse to do something, don’t do it, and then regret it?

If you applied the three second rule, you wouldn’t give your inner voice to talk you out of doing something you want to do.

Let’s say you want more free time so you want to get up an hour early. We all know how hard it is to get up earlier. The moment the alarm goes off, we hit the snooze button and back to sleep. Just a few more minutes we think.

How long does it take for you to fall back asleep? Depending how early it is, it could be fast. Alarm rings again. We hit snooze again. Then all chances of waking up early goes away as we wake up our normal time.

What if you gave yourself the three second rule? You had three seconds to pull off the blankets and stand up and start moving.

You wouldn’t have time to think “Should I snooze or should I get up early? I’m so tired so I need more sleep, but I really want to (your important task) before I have to go to work.”

Getting right out of bed is so hard to do! It takes a huge amount of force. The bed is so comfortable and we feel so sleepy.

Don’t think about how you feel. Of course you feel sleepy!

If you listen to how you feel versus what you want, you won’t get it. How you feel will win every time. Feel tired? Sleep some more. Feel lazy? Procrastinate.

The force needed to get out of bed is the same force you need to do anything you want. It’s not easy to do. It’s a challenge, but if you’re serious about getting up early or doing anything, it is what needs to be done.

If everything was so easy to get started, we’d all be well on our way to being perfectly happy.

When you want to do anything new in your life, you’re going to have to get out of your comfort zone. In order to get out of that comfort zone, you can use the three second rule.

If you have an impulse to do something, if you don’t take action in three seconds, you’re going to hit the brakes.

That includes waking up the moment you hear your alarm.

Stop Waiting 

There is probably a big goal you have right this moment. You’re thinking about it, planning it, thinking about it, talking about it, and daydreaming about it. Guess what? You’re not getting any younger.

There’s not going to be a drill sergeant standing next to you while on your computer yelling “Get off Facebook! Close Twitter! Stop watching cute pictures of cats! Get to work!”

You have to force yourself to. You may not feel like doing it, but you know you need to.

I had to kick myself in the butt earlier this year, because I kept thinking what I wanted to achieve this year, but not doing anything about it! No one told me I needed to begin. I knew myself I needed to.

Finally I had to just start doing it. That’s it. I stopped listening to my inner voice. I had to take action without any motivation. I had to use force to push that 2000 lb rock down the hill.

You have that power inside of you. It’s time to use it.

 

(Important news: My book, “Get a Life That Doesn’t Suck” is on Kindle now! Download it now.)

 

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  • Manuia

    Good afternoon! Quick and to the point, I was sulking this morning about another day of the same ole’. Randomly, I went to google and typed: a late start in life, and it brought me to your article about 7 famous people. Dude! That was so 3 hours ago and have been reading your stuff since. I dig your approach and feel like you’re talking directly to me, like a preacher’s sermon whose message was meant for me. Yes, it’s a lil deep today cuz I was feeling some kind of way and now I feel like I was meant to come across your articles. Funny thing is I’ve never blogged or followed one before. Now, I will be keeping up with yours. Just wanted to give you a shout out and say thank you! Very much! Aloha!

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      Wow! Three hours! Thanks for the shout out. I’m glad you dig my approach. I’m just me :) I don’t think it was an accident you found my blog and articles. Everything happens for a reason. Find some motivation from what you’ve read and apply what I’ve taught into your life. It takes baby steps, but at least you’ll be heading in the right direction. Thanks again for your great comment and great to meet you!

  • Paul

    I love the article. The one thing I got is that you need to make the choice to start and get started. There is never a good time to get started. There is a good saying that the best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago,the second best time is now. I have gotten so much done as of late by keeping the tv off for the last month. I also keep a pad next to my bed should I get a idea to work on. Great stuff

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      Hey Paul, always great to read your comments. Glad to hear cutting back on TV has helped you. It’s really helped me as well.

  • http://www.mobileapptycoon.com Thomas @ Mobile App Tycoon

    Besides the added awesomeness you automatically get for incorporating Star Wars into a blog post, I really love the perspective here. I never heard of the 3 second rule before, but it makes a lot of sense after thinking about it. I definitely find that my brain is very convincing – especially when it’s persuading me not to get up in the morning ;)

    Thomas

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      LOL! I love Star Wars and think Darth Vader is the greatest villain of all time. Our brain is can be our biggest enemy. In the book, “War of Art”, the author talks about resistance. Resistance holds us back. It’s not there to wound us. It’s there to kill us. So we must fight. Especially when it comes to waking up early in the morning. :)

  • Aaron Andrews

    Wow! This was me just a month ago! I had been STUCK for months, not able to do anything and it felt like I was just wasting life away. I spent time reading, listening to music, & digesting things that I thought would be a spark, but I got the same result every time. Nothing moved me. The only thing that could move me was myself. I just had to tell myself to get moving and make small steps towards my goals. This was on point Benny! Thanks!

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      This was me about six months into this year! I took a moment to see what I had done, and I realized, not much! I had all these goals, but just kept thinking about them and waiting for that same spark to get me started. Finally I just had to begin like you. I know there’s so many readers like us who needs a reminder to stop waiting!

  • http://wpthemesdaily.com Robert

    I love the 3-second rules, it is awesome. It gives me motivations to do things that I haven’t tried before. Another method that I love is 30 day trial, when you commit to do a specific task daily for 30 days. Simple, but brilliant to change your habits.

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      I like the 30 day trial too. I haven’t tried any 30 day challenges, but I like it cause it’s enough time to try something out.

  • http://www.pointchaser.com Ariana

    I’ve definitely felt stuck before. You constantly feel hopeless, anxious, and depressed. I had tons of ideas, but felt like they were too difficult to bring about, and even if I did try to bring them to life, they might fail and I wouldn’t have the motivation to take on anything else. If you feel this way, you are wrong. I finally started running down my idea list and knocking things off. I completed projects that have yet to sell, but that hasn’t deterred me one bit from continuing on with my list. In fact, seeing a finished product (whether its commercially successful or not) has been a huge confidence boost and more importantly, a great learning experience. I now have something to critique and learn from. If you’re feeling stuck, do as Benny says and just blaze ahead full speed. Take a day off, make a list of things you need to do to get to where you want to be, and make it happen. Take it from me, that even if you aren’t successful, you will feel a great sense of accomplishment from having done something. The only sense of hopelessness and failure you will ever feel is the one you’re feeling right now – from not taking action. I’m happier now than I could have imagined 4 months ago, when I sat around and “hoped” things would magically change for me. Take action now and you’ll be amazed how much better your life can get.

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      Your blog is looking great! Thanks for sharing your experience on this. I hope many will read this and get inspired!

      P.S. You need a pic for your commenting account. Go to https://en.gravatar.com. :)

      • http://www.pointchaser.com Ariana

        Thanks! It still needs some improvements, but it’s been so much fun to work on. Thanks for the heads up about the pic, I’ll add one shortly!

  • Steve @ ThePickUpDiary

    Great adaptation or rather generalization of the 3-second-rule! The rule helps as it focuses on the most important thing you want to start something – doing (rather than thinking back and forth and finding excuses not do it). Of course it’s not easy to implement it in your behaviour, but after some attempts (it doesn’t matter if you fail, you won’t even feel bad afterwards), your it will become a habit and only reinforce your will power and confidence.

    P.S. The Game by Neil Strauss actually is more about self-development than picking up women ;)

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      You’re right. The Game is a great personal development book. Totally forgot. Not a traditional self help book, but a great one though.

  • http://www.TheGreatBusinessProject.com Ralph Quintero

    Another awesome post Benny! Love the 3 second rule idea! As you well know, I’m all about taking MASSIVE action. I never had a name for it, but I employ something that’s very similar to the 3-second rule. Thank you! Now I have a name for it!

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      I know you are all about massive action Ralph! I wonder if you even sleep. :)

  • http://www.cubepiphany.com Shola

    This is strong, Benny. I’m a huge fan of using “The Force” to get stuff done. Man, if I only went to the gym, went to work, or wrote blog posts when I truly FELT like it, then nothing meaningful in my life would ever get done. Sometimes I just have to force myself into action–at least, in the beginning. Eventually, the stuff that I once was forcing myself to do will begin to slowly feel natural, and then ideally, even pleasurable over time. But it all comes down to taking the initial action, just like you said, and then keep showing up. Every. Single. Day.

    Prior to reading your post, I’ve actually never heard of the 3-second rule used in the way that you’re using it. Now it has a much deeper meaning than the amount of time that I have to pick up a piece of food off of the ground before it gets contaminated (or is that the 5-second rule?) As always, great post, my man.

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      If we did ANYTHING when we felt like it, we’d never get anything done. What’s great about forcing ourself to take action is that if we start taking those baby steps, we start to build up momentum and when momentum is like a runaway train, watch out cause great things are happening!

  • Felix

    I’ve been stuck soooo many times in the past, your 3-second rules are great, very motivating, I like the idea that it makes you act and doesn’t allow for time to freak out, you listened to your intuition or your heart and didn’t let your head/mind mess things up.

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      Sometimes we over think things but instead just need to act upon it before our brain will stop us.

  • http://www.daringdiary.com Mario Chow

    Hey Benny I am so glad to be subscribed to your blog. This last post felt as if You where talking directly to me. I have Been procrastinating for so long on my goals specificLly regarding online business, damn I even payed a lot of money for an online coach i hAvent even talked to in a long time due to procrastination. As I was reading the post, it made me think of the song “time” from Pink Floyd: “and then someday you find, ten years have gone behind, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun” I dont want to be the guy in the story I am concious about that but cant serm to get out of my butt and co what needs to be done.
    Thank you for this kind of motivarion it’s been a while since I’ve read a post that shakes me up, slaps me on both cheeks and shouts ” DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR LIFE”

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      Hello! First I wanted to say your pictures are “wow”. Amazing picture of the whale shark!! I cannot imagine swimming near it just cause its size.

      If you want it really bad, you’ve gotta start taking those baby steps! That’s a great lyric by Pink Floyd and really fitting for not only this post, but the overall theme of my blog. I’m glad to give you that kick in the butt. Time doesn’t stop for us to get ready to start on our goals. I hope you use force to get you started and then figure out why you want to achieve your goal. If you have a strong enough why, you’ll do better than anyone who just knows how.

  • http://www.yourlifetube.com Elena Anne

    “Stop waiting until you feel like starting.” That’s perfect. I think we do tend to wait for someone to tell us to do something, or for inspiration to just randomly strike. Even the most motivational experience fades into nothing if we don’t act on that feeling and do something. Great stuff. :)

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      You’re absolutely right. We do wait for someone to tell us to start or the right inspiration. Sometimes we can’t wait and have to do it ourself!

  • http://www.byjanet.net/purple Janet

    I remember watching a star wars marathon in a Buddhist temple :D not a traditional one, obviously. a modern skyscraper that looks more like posh zen ad agency. hahaha. but anyway, yeah that movie does have some nice eastern undertones of using the ‘force’ / way / tao etc etc. loved this post!!

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      That sounds like a really cool place to watch a Star Wars marathon!

  • http://www.livetowincoaching.com/blog/ steve werner

    Stuck is just another form of fear.
    I too have been stuck many times. Stuck is a relativity safe place to be until you feel how good it feels to be UN stuck!!

    sw

  • http://thebacklight.com Tristan

    I enjoyed reading this post, Benny. I was stuck for a few months up until a month ago. I’m a very avid rock climber and mountaineer, but earlier this year I started having some pretty serious knee pains which kept me from doing those things I love. Those things were my release from the stress and sometime monotony that comes from sitting in a chair all day with your laptop. When I could get out and do the things I wanted to do, I slipped into a funk and my work (and everything else) suffered.

    What changed? Moving to Mexico. It snapped me out of my lull and took me out of my comfort zone. I’m much more focused and engaged with what I do because everything here requires more effort on my part (since I don’t speak Spanish well and the city is still very new to me). Now I’m working harder than ever and having more great ideas than ever before, and my business is going up as a direct result. Being taken out of my comfort zone was that defibrillator that my life needed.

  • Andy D.

    I dig what your saying here. I’m very stuck at the moment, and feel like a volunteer prisoner of my own design. This article was helpful in several ways, and if nothing else a great motivation to start my day with. Thanks!

  • Lee

    Hi benny about getting stuck for some reason we all combat change. We do the things in our comfort zone and often just stay there dying to break out of it. I have a little saying that I use when I find my self stuck……. It is easy not to do something……. This n or ally does the trick to get me motivated.

    Lee

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      You’re correct. It’s not easy to do most anything. The bigger the goal we want to achieve, the harder it will be.

  • http://www.prosperitycoaching.biz/blog Suzanne

    I like your point about getting up earlier. When you feel stuck, you have to find not only motivation but also time. I’ve been getting up an hour earlier for the past two weeks and I am amazed at what I can get done before the end of the day.

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      It does take motivation and time to create more free time. The morning is a great time to get stuff done before the day begins.

  • Roz Bennetts

    Hi Benny, I like the chat-up line analogy and the one about driving a car – I always thought maybe I went on autopilot because driving a car was well understood but I never considered that it might be ‘approved of’ and that unfamiliar things might be disapproved of… food for thought.

    Love the three second rule and will be giving that a shot. Subscribed via Blogtrottr.

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      Thanks Roz!

  • http://AttractionMarketingConsulting.com Margarita

    Benny,

    thank you for the 3 sec rule idea. I am kind of very “programmed” already at 55. Change does not come easily. A lot of thinking involved. What I noticed, though, that when I start really working on the project on hand, it becomes fun. The 3 sec rule skips the thinking mind chatter. Wow, cool stuff!

    it is all about being in the now. This is the only thing we have. Haven’t seen tomorrow as of yet. :)

    • http://getbusylivingblog.com Benny

      Change is very hard to break at any age. It takes deliberate effort and sometimes just doing it and nothing thinking about it, helps that inner voice. Thanks for your comment!

  • http://chasingriches.com Alex

    Finally got round to reading this and I think it was the kick up the back side that I needed!! I’m going to put your 3 second rule to the test starting tonight and see how much more stuff I can get done!! Awesome post!!!