Need Some Tough Love? Read this Now.

Scream and Shout

It’s May now! Where has the time gone?

A quarter of the year is already done. The bad news is you can’t get that time back. The good news is that you have eight months left to make this your best year ever.

It’s a great time take a moment and think if you’re heading in the right direction with your goals.

  • How much progress have you made this year?
  • Are you putting in just a little effort?
  • Did you stop and haven’t started back up?
  • Do you need some tough love to make these last eight months ten times better than the first four?

Today’s post is going to get you pumped up. It’s a time to reboot.

We all have different goals we want to achieve. Some will succeed. Most will fail. If you’re in the slow lane, I want to help you to start moving with some more urgency.

Here comes the tough love.

It is not hard

Don’t you dare say it’s hard. Beating cancer is hard. Chemotherapy is hard.

Disarming land mines is hard. Running into a burning building is hard.

I bet whatever you are doing isn’t that hard.

No one is going to sympathize with you when you say, “Losing weight (or insert whatever you’re working on) is so hard.”

Come on! That. Is. Not. Hard.

Sitting in front of your computer, with the AC on and a cup of coffee next to you is not hard.

What you may think is hard is finding the time or just getting the work done. You’re not going to get any sympathy for not having enough time, when your one hundred Pinterest boards look perfectly neat.

It’s not hard to cut out the distractions if you’re really serious about it. If you still have too many, it’s cause you don’t want it bad enough. You just don’t care enough to make changes.

No one is going to sympathize with you if you complain it’s hard to lose weight if McDonald’s knows what you want when you walk into the door.

Is it too hard to start your business cause you don’t have money? Read the $100 Startup for inspiration (aff link).

You have NO excuse for not doing what you need to be doing.

We only have one shot at this life. How important is it to you to get it right?

Don’t even consider the possibility of a failure

I know we’ve all  heard we need to fail in order to succeed. If we’re not failing, we’re not trying hard enough.

Forget all that for now. I want to focus on removing the thought of failure from your mind.

If you believe you’re going to fail, you will.

It’s that voice inside of you that keeps thinking “I can’t do this”, “I’m not smart enough”, “This isn’t going to work out”, “I’ll never reach my goal”.

You’ve got to get these negative words out of your vocabulary.

A grandmother lifted up a car to save her grandson who was pinned underneath. How? She never thought it wasn’t possible.

In my younger years, I considered failure, right at the very beginning! When I’d see an attractive girl, I’d try so hard to get the courage to go talk to her. I’d sit there thinking of what I would say and start playing the whole imaginary conversation. Then I would just figure I’d get rejected and imagine the embarrassment I’d feel.

I had such a horrible mindset from the beginning, I set myself up for failure. In this case, I didn’t even try because I failed before I even began.

You might be wondering, “How do I know I’ll succeed?” You don’t.

You have to just believe you will. Your other option is to believe you’ll fail. They both take the exact same amount of energy. Which will you chose?

Choose to believe in yourself.

You never HAVE to do anything you don’t want. 

How old are you? You’re not under 18 anymore right? Nope. You’re all big boys and girls. Toughen up. Learn to say no (or make your Mom and Dad proud and say, “No, thank you”).

Learn to stick up for yourself. Just because you’re at a wedding reception doesn’t mean you have to kill your diet by overeating. Just because all your friends are going out doesn’t mean you have to if you have work to do.

You don’t have to do anything.

That’s the beauty of being human. We can choose what we want to do. Ants can’t stop being ants. Sharks can’t stop being sharks. Their lives are built into their genetic code.

A great lesson I learned is that even when you don’t make a choice, that is a choice.

Don’t let others make the choice for you either. Be an adult and stand your ground. If need some confidence, imagine you’re a 10 ft giant. I know it’s sound ridiculous, but you need to realize how much power you have over your own life. Make the right choices for YOU. Not for anyone else.

There’s always a choice to be made. Don’t just follow what the cool kids are doing. This isn’t middle school anymore.

You can’t hire someone to do your pushups for you

You can do all the visualizing and Law of Attraction stuff you want, but nothing is going to happen unless you put in the effort.

I’m not talking about the effort kids give when parents tell them to clean up their room (throw everything in the closet or under the bed). That’s funny then, but that kind of effort won’t work now. This is real world.

If all you do is consume, consume, consume, you have to stop! Any great business wasn’t created by someone who just read a bunch of business books. You can’t lose weight by learning how to cook and watch videos on what exercises to do (though I wish).

That’s why I love the saying “You can’t hire someone to do your pushups for you”.

You can outsource almost anything, but there are somethings you actually have to do yourself. And if you don’t, you’re not going to get the results you want.

You have to take responsibility for what you need to do. You don’t have your parents yelling at you in the other room telling you. If you’re a solopreneur, no one’s going to care if you don’t do the work. It’s up to you.

Your goals don’t happen automatically just because that’s what you want.

Stop waiting for the perfect time to start

You know when the perfect time to start is? It’s not next week or the next full moon. It’s right now.

If you keep waiting for the right time to start, you’re going to be waiting forever.

Remember you have a choice. If you don’t start, that’s your choice. I don’t want to hear the excuse that you’re waiting for the right time.

You don’t even need to take massive steps to start. I encourage small action steps.

Start researching what you want to do. That’s taking action. Start finding the steps needed to reach your goal. At least you’re doing something. But remember, don’t get too comfortable in this stage. Sooner than later you need to put it into action.

Imagine yourself a year from now

Imagine it’s one year from now. How do you want to feel? What do you want to be doing every day?

Now think about all the dreams and goals you have. A year from now, will you regret at least not trying?

If you’re in the same meaningless job, same weight, feel the same way, or have the same bad habits one year from now, how will you feel?

I’m willing to bet like crap.

The biggest regret for people on their deathbeds is not honoring their dreams. They knew it was from the choices they made, or not made.

Like I mentioned earlier, you have a choice. You made a choice to read this (you’re awesome). After you are doing, you have a choice to do something else.

Consistently make the right choices that are aligned with your goals. When you do that over time, amazing things will happen.

My friend Amy had a great quote in a post. It said “Sometimes I fear that I’ll fail…and then I think about how I’d feel if I never tried.”

Don’t let regret win.

You can do this

You’ve come too far to back out now. You’re not getting any younger. You want to do this. You need to do this! And I believe that you can do this. So stop thinking about it, and start doing.

Let’s hear from you

How were your first four months?

What will you do these next eight months to dominate this year?


If you think others need some tough love, please share this post!


Photo by mdanys

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60 responses to Need Some Tough Love? Read this Now.

  1. My favorite point in this kick-in-the-pants: Don’t wait for the perfect time to get started. This one thing alone holds so many people back from anything! Don’t get “cooked in the squat!”

    • I’ve been guilty of saying that I’d wait for the perfect time to start. Typically it was “I’ll wait till Jan 1 to start”. Held me back for sure. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Deacon!

  2. I agree with Deacon. If you are always waiting for the right time to do something you will never get it done. I know from experience and the best time to start is always the present never the future. Great post, Benny.

    • Thanks Dwayne! Like I said to Deacon, I’ve been guilty of waiting as well. Now I realize most of the time there is not a perfect time to start. Just get started.

  3. I love, love, LOVE this post. It is rocketing straight to the top of my Link Love for this week. (And possibly getting pinned on the bulletin board above my desk.)

    Tough love received, and awesomely. Way to kick some tail, Benny!

  4. This is an awesome wake-up call, Benny! We are so good at coming up with excuses for staying where we are, blaming others or life or the “difficulty” of doing or starting or finishing a thing. We are masters at complaining about all the challenges life throws along our paths to creating the life we dream of living. I love the no-holds-barred approach here. Just aim between my eyes and let me have it! Great stuff, Benny! This post was like taking a cold shower. Wide awake. Time to get to work! 🙂

  5. Benny, this is so true………of me. I need to get those first few post written and out there. Its the fear of not knowing what to write, that my writing will be dismissed. Its that invisible wall thats only 6 inches high but so hard to cross. My sister said yesterday I need to start blogging. I replied, tongue in cheek disguising what I knew about myself, that I was too busy reading articles about how to start a blog. Even just doing this comment is forcing myself to expose myself yet no one knows who I am. so it doesn’t matter.So anyway, a great post that you must have written about me. Fame at last!

  6. Hi Benny

    Love how succintly you put it all
    My last 4 months hadn’t been too bad. It’s “hard” – but I gotta stop thinking that!!! 🙂

    Noch Noch

    • Hi Noch! I’m glad you enjoyed it! I saw you have a wedding coming soon?

      • Hey Benny

        Yup – and just come back online from it all. Was a big party weekend. All good fun. Didn’t have time for a honeymoon yet but was a good break away from the computer and time on blogs. Took me 3 weeks to recover!

        Noch Noch 🙂

        • Hi Noch! Great to hear from you again. I’m glad to hear you had fun! Just went to your blog and saw pictures of it. Looked amazing! Wow.

  7. Richard White May 9, 2012 at 8:56 am

    My first 3 months were great. Record setting sales, traffic way up, and for the first time I really thought I was on pace to move on to become a full time Internet Marketer. However, the Panda update in late March changed all that resulting in the search traffic to my sales sites cut by more than 50%! While I was discouraged and lost for a while, I’m glad I read this post this morning. I definitely need to map out the next 8 months to best ensure I can get back to where I was at the start of the year; on track to getting my wife and I to “retire” early.

  8. Hey Benny,

    Couldn’t have said it better. I almost had a slump this morning as I “thought” life was getting a bit tough after moving from the UK to Germany. I may as well have read your post then because all I could think was “I don’t have time for sooks. Sook all you want later, but right now there’s work to be done son. So harden up and lets get on with it.” Just about ready to relaunch a portfolio too as a result.

    So the advice is spot on mate. Great post. When do I get my “harden up” pills in the post?


    • Glad the post found you at a good time. It was a reminder to me as well. Put a lot of things I’m working on in much better perspective.

      What is sooks? We don’t have that word here in America. Would love to know though! The harden up pills are on the way. 🙂

  9. Thanks for the ASS kicking Benny, it came just in time.

    We got 8 months to make this the best year ever!

    Lets do it man =)


  10. Benny – Great post on doing IT. I love the part about waiting for the right time. I was talking with a business guy and his brother and they stated that I should go into business. I said I was waiting for the right time. The Brother looked at me and said kid starting a business is like having kids. If your waiting for the right time you will never have kids. It progress not perfection.
    Considering the guy came to America as about fifteen years ago and now is a multi- millionaire I have decided to take his advise.
    Progress not perfection. Fortune favors the bold!

    • Progress not perfection. I like that! I’d take advice from him too. Certainly sounds like he knows what he’s doing!

  11. On Jan 1st, 2012 I launched my website. It’s now at 300 visitors/day, over 1000 subscribers, and I’ve made 6 sales so far! I’m not about to quit my day job, but it’s a promising start.

    During the past four months I have struggled with doubt and “is this ever going to be successful?” thinking. But I have the following quote from Jon Morrow pasted on my desktop:

    “So keep your chin up, do some thinking, work your butt off, and most of all, believe in yourself. If you’re determined, and you persevere, you will get there eventually.”

    I find that when I’m actually DOING stuff, when I’m WORKING on my dream, the self-doubt goes away. It’s when I’m just sitting around and *thinking* about it that all the negativity creeps in…

    • In just five months? That’s amazing! So many bloggers would love to have traffic and subscribers like that! It’s a fantastic start!

      Believing in ourselves is so important. I’m glad I’m not the only one that feels negativity creeping in when I’m idle. When I’m working and creating, then I feel like big things will happen.

      Thanks for your comment Shayna!

  12. Mark @ How to Win the Lottery May 9, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    Wow I could not have said it any better. I totally agree with everything you have said in this post. It is some ones problem if they say they have not enough time to complete a project etc if they are playing on Facebook or Pintrest.
    You have to want it so bad you can taste it. When I started I lived my goal in my wakening hours and in my sleep. I was driven and I did sacrifice things to make it happen. Now I have the time to say hey you know what I don’t want to do anything today so lets go to the beach or do what ever I or the family would like to do.

  13. I believe that everything you believe and think may possibly
    happen to your life. Think that life is not hard and enjoy every
    minute of it.

  14. Yea, it is really amazing to think that it is May already. Seems like only yesterday that it was New Years eve. I have to say I’m moderately satisfied with my overall progress in all aspects of life so far. I have put in a bit more effort this year than years past to actually make a difference in many areas of life.

    Those are some great examples you have used of some ‘really hard’ things. It really makes our problems look much smaller in comparison and easier to tackle. Sometimes, we just need to have things put in perspective for us to realize how much easier we have it and yet we still whine and complain frequently.


    • It does feel like it was just New Year’s eve. What are you big goals for the year Jean?

      It helps to put things in perspective. We can’t complain too much if we’re healthy, have food, a comfortable bed, and working from our computer. There are much tougher things in life.

  15. Hi Benny

    Love this post! You are so right, life is all about choices. If we want life to be better a year from now we need to make smart choices. Saying it’s all too hard or making excuses won’t help at all. Like you said, you never know what you can do until you roll up your sleeves and try. Thanks for the tough love reminder.

    • Hi Thea! I realize now it’s so important to just try. Not just try half way either. Really give it a good shot. I know all too well about trying just half way, but looking back it just meant that I wasn’t really passionate about that particular thing.

      Excited about Blog World? It’s coming soon! 🙂

  16. Haha Benny I love these wake up posts.

    Just like Steve’s over at TRue Spiritual Awakening “Excuses are bullshit, you should get a refund.”

    I totally agree – and it’s actually quite scary that you mentioned the year is already 1/4 done..jeeze..

    This post reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from the Alchemist “At some point when we get older we start believing the world’s greatest lie. The world’s greatest lie is this: that at some point, we lose control of what’s happening around us and our lives are controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.”

    Love it!

    • I love that quote Alex! I’m going to post that on my GBL page right now. Royalty check is in the mail.

      I got pumped up writing this post. It felt like someone was talking to me and telling me all this as well.

  17. Jovani Reuben May 10, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    I am trying to loss my weight from two months, But i did not get any good result yet which is very hard to me.

  18. im also quite guilty of inaction, dreaming and always making excuses.

    On reflection its quite sad a person wants to improve themself and buys personal development books, reads blog upon blog on happiness and self improvement yet takes no action in their ACTUAL life but instead continue to go from book to book blog to blog forever seeking answers.

    At most you will get all the information and advice on personal development and self improvement from a maximum of 3 book, a lot of the advice is all the same just worded differently from author to author.

    My advice

    1) read a couple books

    2)make an ACTION PLAN

    3)EXECUTE the action plan on a daily basis

    4) reflect at the end of each day to see how you did. Are you making progress? What went wrong? How can you do this differently?

    5) Take the lessons from your reflection and put them into practice

    • Great points Steve. I would definitely say focus on a few books and really apply them in your life.

      I was guilty of reading too much and not doing anything. Now I hope to tell others to not make that same mistake.

  19. Benny,

    Great post – my favorite part:

    “A great lesson I learned is that even when you don’t make a choice, that is a choice.”


  20. I am so in sync with everything you said, and I love your tough love approach. Sure gave me a rev up – just what I needed, thanks.

  21. “The hardest part of _______________ is getting started. The second hardest thing is to not quit.” Great post. Good reminder. Let’s go!

  22. Hello Benny,

    I love this post and the particular place i love here this that the right time to do things is now. It sucks when people postpone things though i do it before but i stopped it months ago because it is not helping me at all. The part i love most in this post is “You can’t hire someone to do your pushups for you” that is a big truth which so many people know but don’t put into action. Thanks for sharing this Benny

    • Thanks again for reading David and leaving a comment. I’m glad to hear it gives a kick in the butt to get moving on your goals and what you want to do.

  23. Hey Benny,

    Have to be honest with you: I see you comment on SPI all the time but I’ve never actually taken the time to check out your site until today. Lucky I did though because I saw this post at the top – this is just what I needed! Lots of great inspiration and advice here – looking forward to more! You’ve got a reader for life in me now 🙂 Thanks again!


    • Hey Thomas! Thanks for coming by. I read a bit about you and think it’s so cool at 16 you’re working on building a business. I wish I had started much earlier. Thanks again and look forward to keeping up with you too.

  24. Not many people share a post of such thoughts … Its really down to earth .. some times life is like that and sometimes not ..

  25. Great post Benny. I think this is something that many people need to hear every now and again. It reminds me of that old saying “If we all threw our problems into a circle, we would gladly take our own ones back instead of someone else’s.

  26. Maximilian Tyler May 18, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Becoming a failure is a normal matter. So, i agree with you about it. Without failing anybody cannot learn. Also your article is very inspiring. Thanks for sharing this great post with us.

  27. Great stuff shared !
    I think life is not that hard is if you are upto it for enjoying. Positive attitude towards the problem resolves every thing.
    Thanks for sharing this valuable post !

  28. Hey Benny! This is a great post that forces us to look back, reflect and re-evaluate (if necessary). I have always been into working out and staying healthy, but it was never something I kept to completely. I made my resolution to stick to staying healthy for as long as possible, even if it was just longer than a couple months. I actually have been sticking to that goal and when I look back, I am really proud of myself. I have been trying harder to stay on track wiht commitments, etc than I have in the past and part of that whole thing is accepting that I like to try new things, and will come back to those things I enjoy – prime example is blogging! haha I look forward to getting back into it and keeping up with everyone again 🙂

    • Julia!! Oh wow it’s so great to hear from you. Got really excited to see you on Twitter because I had wondered what had happened to you. Gonna go over and read your latest post!

  29. Hi Benny!

    In life, there are many ups and downs such as criticisms, challenges, negative feedbacks, appreciations, apologies and many more. But how does one struggle and handle those downs that will lead to anxiety, depression, failures and even heartaches? If times like this, we should not go with the situation instead go in the other way wherein you can transform these into challenges and positive feedbacks to eliminate those negative results. Always pray and have faith in God ‘coz in Him nothing is impossible.

  30. I so needed to read this. I am a firm believer in tough love & love the way you delivered this message.

    I’ve been reading your blog & emails for a few months but have only lurked!!
    I’ve had a very tough 15 months personally after my 20 year old relationship with my husband came to an end. At times just functioning was my goal.
    So far this year I’ve changed my site from a site that was just about my coaching services to a blog (thanks to Jon Morrow & Johnny B Truant’s Bootstrap Bootcamp & Jon’s guest-blogging courses). As a technophobe I’ve learnt masses. I’m now ready to get busy living again because I haven’t done that for sometime. It’s my new mantra so thank you Benny.
    My aim for the next 6 months business-wise is to to successfully guest-blog and build an engaged community on my own blog where I can help, inspire & make a difference to other women. That’s when I feel happy & successful.
    Thank you for this post. It really touched & helped me.

    • Great to hear from you! I’m glad to hear this post really helped you when you needed it. It does sound like you’ve had some great training for your blog, but like you said, it’s now time to take action. I know Jon’s guest posting course is great so it should help you when you’re putting out quality guest posts. Let me know if I can answer any questions on this new path!

      • Thanks for replying Benny and for your very kind offer of help. I will definitely be in touch!
        Also to say that this post is still resonating with me and has caused me to set some wheels in motion.
        Look forward to the next one!

  31. Love the way you posted the importance of time. I liked “Stop waiting for the perfect time to start” very much. I am going to follow this from now.

    • Great! There is never a perfect time to start. If you start to hear yourself saying that, then fight it, and get started in any way.

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