This is a letter for that person who feels stuck in life and feels hopeless. That person who doesn’t know if life will get better. That person who’s been trying to make a change for so long, but hasn’t been able to.
If that’s you, you’re not alone and I’m writing this to you.
To my friend,
I know things have been tough lately. Every day feels the same and you want to scream from the top of your lungs because it sucks. Every day you feel like you’re on a downward spiral. You just hope that your life starts to change real soon. Thoughts of suicide have crossed your mind because then you wouldn’t feel like this anymore, but just know there is much more to life than you have now.
It does get better if you want it to.
I was once you. I searched for what was the one thing I was supposed to do with my life. I was looking for a career not just a job. I thought by the time I graduated college I was supposed to know. When I turned 30 I still had no idea and wondered what was the heck wrong with me. I felt like if I knew what I wanted to do with my life everything would be better. Everything else would fall into place. I’d get married, have a nice house, have kids, and live happily ever after. Once I discovered what IT was, that’s what I’d be doing for the rest of my life. That’s how life goes, right?
I’ve learned that life doesn’t have to be about finding that one thing you’re meant to do and then do it forever. Some people do find that one thing and dedicate their whole lives because they love it. I’ve realized that isn’t for me at this moment. I am done searching for it too.
To me life is about exploring everything out there. It’s trying different things and putting more attention on certain ones. There’s so much out there that it’d be a shame to not have more than one interest. Is what I’m doing now what I’ll be doing forever? No, but I’ve found something that I enjoy at this moment. I know new opportunities will present itself and my need for a new challenge will come along. Who knows what I’ll be doing five years from now, but for now, I like what I do and have stopped searching for the meaning of life.
If you don’t know what you want to do with your life, it’s okay! The answer doesn’t come to you at a specific time. Some find it when they’re a child. Others discover it after they’ve had three children. Some go through ten different jobs before finding one that is right for them. It doesn’t matter if you’re 21, 41 or anywhere in between. It’s never too late to start going for what you want. Even if someone is 41, they’re still pretty young. The average life expectancy for an American is 78.5 years. At 41, you’ve only lived 52% of your life. That’s it. You still have 48% of your life left to do what makes you truly happy. That’s still a lot of time.
However a better life isn’t going to be found watching television, keeping up with Honey Boo-Boo or the Kardashians, mindlessly surfing the internet, or checking Facebook every five minutes. It’s not found sitting on the couch after work every night or drinking your sorrows away every weekend with your buddies. Your life won’t improve if you constantly feel sorry for yourself or rely on others to make it better for you.
Nor is a better life going to happen instantly. We’re used to wanting everything quicker. We want to reach our destination as fast as possible. We want our internet speeds to be lightening quick. We want our food fast. This obsession with speeds translates to the results we want. Marketers know that so they blast us with headlines like “Make money quick!” or “Lose weight fast and easy!”
Your life isn’t going to change by clicking your heels together. I had always hoped it would be that easy! I wanted it to be like the movies. My rise from the lowest point in my life to the top would be in under 2 hours and I’d get the girl at the end. There is no quick fix in the real world. I hate to break it to you, but you’re not going to lose all the weight you want in two weeks and keep it off forever. You’re not going to forever eliminate years of bad habits in a month. You’re not going to have $100,000 in a year if your bank account only has $100 now. You’re not going to build an online business making $1,000 a week working only four hours with no skills and no money to start.
So what will it take? I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’s going to take one day at a time. You need to start making deliberate choices and stop sleepwalking through life. What’s even worse is you will be doing things you should be doing on a consistent basis and you’re not going to see any results or feel any different. I know that’s frustrating. This is where most people quit. They feel the work they’re putting in is a waste of time. They quit the gym after a month. They stop selling after only a few sales. So they quit and go back to their average life and continue to blame and point fingers at others for their misery.
I don’t want that to be you. Okay? When you’re doing the right things, keep doing it. Small consistent actions over time will produce tremendous results. Anything you truly want in your life isn’t going to come easy. It’s how life works. Life is testing you to see how bad you want it. It’ll weed out the weak ones and only the determined will survive and be handsomely rewarded.
What if you don’t know how to do what you want to do? It’s very easy. Open up a new tab in your browser and go to Google.com. There will probably be 1,809,384,908 results, but start at the beginning. Whatever it is you want to achieve has very likely been done by someone else.
Another solution is to go to Amazon.com. I bet anything you want to learn has been written about. Buy a book, read it, and apply what you learn. Don’t just read it and put it away. Highlight the heck out of that book too. So when you need to go back , you’ll have the most important parts highlighted.
If you don’t want to spend money on a book, go to your local library. Haven’t been there since college? It looks the same, but instead of cute young co-eds, it’s mostly going to be older people reading the free magazines. That’s okay cause you will be looking for books. Find books on what you want to learn how to do. Don’t highlight in them though, but do take notes.
There are a bunch of free and paid resources online where you can learn. Check out free podcasts on iTunes. Take a course on Udemy.com.
However, I think you actually don’t need any more information. You know everything you should be doing, but you just haven’t done it.
Why not? Here is my guess.
You’re waiting for that magical moment, a burst of motivation, the right time, the right person, the right day, more money, or next year. You’re waiting for someone to tell you it’s okay to start. You’re waiting for more knowledge. You want to be perfect before you even begin.
Let me use a quote by Jim Carrey from the Cable Guy to sum up my point, “He who hesitates, masturbates.”
The guy eyeing the cute girl is definitely be going home alone if he practices the conversation in his head, waits for the right moment to go, waits for confidence, has another beer, rehearses what will say again, checks his breath, and waits for her friends to leave. By then he’ll hesitate for so long he’ll reject himself before even trying.
That’s like life too. The longer you wait the longer you go back to your regular life of the same old shit.
It’s okay if something you want to do is not a priority right now. Maybe you’ve got a lot going on already. Just adding more stuff to do spreads yourself thin. At least you’re doing something you truly want and not just sitting around twirling your thumbs. (Reorganizing your desk to avoid doing what you need to do doesn’t count as having a lot going on either.)
If you know you should be doing it, but you’re not then that’s a different story. I can’t come over there and knock on your door to make sure you start. Nor can I constantly be looking over your shoulder to make sure you’re not on Facebook again or looking at pictures of cute dogs. Your parents aren’t going to tell you either. I bet you’d rather NOT have your parents tell you what to do anymore. You’re an adult now and it’s time to grow up and make your own decisions. Your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife/partner is there to support you (I hope), but they’re not going to be able to do it for you. If you want to get into shape, they can’t do your pushups for you.
The person that is going to be responsible for everything you want to create in your life is that face you see in the mirror every single day. It’s that good looking face you see. It’s the one who had big hopes and dreams, but got lost after years of self-doubt and trying to making others happy. The one with so much potential waiting to be unleashed. When you need to be reminded who’s gonna save your life, look at yourself in the mirror. Nobody else will so stop looking around.
No amount of reading, thinking, hoping, and praying is going to help you. It’s more about doing, failing, adjusting, believing, and doing again.
Who cares if you fail? It’s not the end of the world. If you fail at least you tried. However this is very important. Don’t begin with the attitude that you will fail because you’re just setting yourself up to fail. You won’t try that hard and when you do fail you’ll say to yourself, “I was right.”
There isn’t one person who’s had success in life who hasn’t failed at all. Successful people take risks. Sometimes they work out and sometimes they don’t. They don’t let their failures define them. If they move on and find success, no one’s going to remember the failures.
And don’t wait for luck either. Luck is an awesome thing, but if you’re waiting for luck to come you’re going to be waiting a long time. By that time, you’ll feel lucky to just wake up every morning.
Luck happens to people who do the work to create the opportunity, then take advantage of it when it finds them. Once you start taking massive action on your life, luck will come find you.
You’re not unlucky in life either despite what you believe. You’ve just made a series of poor choices which seemed so tiny at the time, but have compounded to crappy results. Then your belief is that you’re unlucky so that’s what you’ll keep brining into your life.
You can start to change that immediately by believing the world is doing great things for you and you can’t wait to see what they are. Seriously you should say that to yourself every day and believe it. It’s true! Why is the world out to do you harm? It’s not. It’s an equal opportunity employer. It doesn’t discriminate. It’s filled with everything you want, but you have to go look for it. With that positive attitude, you’re going to find a $10 bill on the ground while the unlucky person will walk right by it.
I know you told me you’re busy and you don’t have much time to do anything. I bet you do have some time during your day. Take a look at what unproductive activities you do. Are you checking email five times an hour? Do you have ten browsing tabs open? Do you take a quick peek at social media and end up spending thirty minutes? What do you do at nights? Can you wake up earlier? Think about outsourcing some tasks. I know you can find time during the day. We all have the same 24 hours yet there are people who can do more in one day than some in one month.
Again, go to Google or read a book about how you can increase your productivity. There are so many different systems out there. You just have to try it out until you find one that is the right fit for you. It’s like dating but much easier to break up with if you’re not pleased.
Don’t worry about what’s going to happen either when you start on your dreams. Fear stops so many from doing what they should be doing. Anything you do that’s new is going to have some level of fear because you don’t know how it will turn out. What usually happens is you imagine all these worst case scenarios in your mind.
Nothing you imagine in your mind is going to be as bad as what might actually happen. Our minds have some vivid imaginations and does a great job of creating wacky scenarios. Have you ever woke up from the weird dreams? Of course you have. Crazy mind at work. Don’t believe it.
Instead try and think best case scenarios. What would happen if you achieved your goals? How would your life look every day? How would you feel? How much money would you be earning? What type of people would you be surrounded be? Where would you go on vacation? How great would life finally be?
If you think about the unknown that way, you’ll feel more inspired and motivated to do it.
Isn’t that kind of life worth trying for? I know for me it’s worth the risk, hard work, and sacrficies. It hasn’t been all easy either. All those people you want to be like haven’t had it all easy. You see the success. That’s what you want. There’s a million things that went on behind the scenes. You don’t know that they thought about quitting many times. You don’t know how many rejections they had. Some may have even gone bankrupt but still found success later on.
You know what else? They were beginners at one point. They didn’t know everything. They’ve messed up along the way. They may have been unsure what the future held for them, but what they did have was belief. They felt so certain about what they wanted to do that no matter what got in their way they did it. Walt Disney, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison and Steve Jobs could have quit many times from all the people who told them they were crazy with their big ideas. They’ve had failures. They’ve had massive rejections. History doesn’t focus on that. We just remember their achievements.
Your goals may not be as big as creating a theme park or building a device that changes our lives and that’s okay. As long as it comes from you. Not just a goal that seems interesting, but one that keeps you up at night. A goal that consumes your soul and you’d be willing to do anything to achieve it. Don’t set a goal that someone else wants you to do either. You’re not going to be excited about it and if you do achieve it, you’re going to hate life more and more with every passing day.
Whatever you want to achieve in life isn’t meaningless. If you want to be an expert on butterflies that’s great. Everyone has a place in this world and it needs some experts in butterflies. That can be you! I just don’t want you to think your goals are silly. They are your goals so they are serious. Whatever your goal is, I know if you achieved it, it would be like winning the lottery. I know that’s how you’d feel. So there aren’t any silly goals.
If you told me your goals, I’d treat you like a little child who thinks anything is possible. I will say it sounds great and you can do it because that’s what I believe. Why else would I say otherwise? I’m not here to crush your dreams. Who am I to belittle them? They are your dreams. Not mine. I want to see people doing what they love. When more people are, it makes the world a better place.
Our lives aren’t pre-determined. People who only knew about poverty as a child have become billionaires. While other people, who were born in million dollar mansions, have grown up addicted to drugs and in and out of jail. So get rid of that belief. Whatever your life is like now isn’t what it will be like if you have any control over it and guess what? You do! You have so much power and you don’t even know it. Your lack of skill and natural ability can be made up with hard work and determination.
If I asked you how bad do you want it a better life, what will you say? You might say you really do, but do you really? Are you willing to make that commitment?
In the book The Element, author Ken Robinson recalls a story that put into perspective his level of commitment. After listening to his brother perform in a band one night, Ken complimented the extremely talented keyboard player named Charles.
Then I said that I’d love to be able to play keyboards that well. “No, you wouldn’t,” he responded. Taken aback, I insisted that I really would. “No,” he said. “You mean you like the idea of playing keyboards. If you’d love to play them, you’d be doing it.”
Charles practiced every day for three or four hours in addition to performing. He’d been doing that since he was seven. That’s why he played so well. Suddenly, Ken felt that playing the keyboards that well didn’t seem so appealing.
Liking the idea and being committed are two completely different things.
People who like the idea of making money online, just read about making money online. Committed ones put what they learn into action. The idea of a writing for a living sounds good to many. Committed ones live and breath writing. The idea of losing 20 sounds great. The committed ones actually do it.
What happens now after you read this letter is up to you. You can put it away, continue with what you were previously doing, and forget you read this. Or you can re-read it and let the words really sink in and take a deeper look at yourself and wonder if what you’re doing now is right for you. Is it leading you on the path where you want to go? Are you making the right daily choices? Will you have a life full of regret when you’re on your deathbed?
You can do something about it. You always have a choice. It doesn’t matter what happened before. What’s important is what happens from this moment on. It’s time to draw a line in the sand and separate the old you from the new you.
So quit your excuses, your pity party, your complaining, and finger pointing and start to do something. Life moves pretty fast. You’re not going to achieve everything at one time, but focus on just one area of your life and work on changing it to the way you want first.
You’re responsible for everything in your life and because of that power you can have the life you’ve always dreamed of.
Your friend,
Benny Hsu
P.S. If you enjoyed this, you will enjoy my other letters:
- A Letter to Those Who are Living in the Past and Haven’t Let Go
- A Letter to Those Who Don’t Believe in Themselves
P.P.S If you enjoyed this, I’d love it if you shared it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Reddit or email someone you know who could use some words of encouragement.
Photo credit Manoj Kengudelu
I would rather dedicate this moment to you, thank you mister… you just made my day colorful !
Thank you so much Annie!
Thank you for posting this. I plan on re-reading it and re-reading it, saving sections of it as daily reminders to do the things necessary to really *live* life.
You’re welcome Shawn! It definitely needs to be read more than once to let everything sink in.
Benny,
The irony is that while I was literally crying and feeling hopeless about things currently going on in my life due to my job and life in general I came across this article. I had to say it was pretty amazing that I came across it while having feelings of hopelessness. After I was done I was feeling a bit better. I have been focusing on learning how to invest and also building my business day by day. Sometimes I feel hopeless and wonder if it’s all for nothing. I have really rough days and just wish I had something better to fall back on but I don’t. It’s a terrible feeling being “trapped” in a life you don’t want. The good thing I can say is that all the bad things are pushing me more and more to really change my life. I feel as I’m finally reaching the point where tolerating my currently lifestyle is too painful to continue. I have to push towards making it better and how I want my life to be. Thanks for the inspiration.
You’re welcome Jonathan. I know that feeling. Heck, I still feel like that. I do question if what I’m doing is gonna work. I don’t want to feel like I’m spinning my wheels in mud. I want to be moving forward. I go back to my affirmations and visualizations to get me back into the mindset of success and to do the work every day. Remember when you build your business day by day, you’re not going to see tangible results, but it doesn’t mean what you’re learning and doing isn’t having a positive effect.
Benny. You made me cry. This is The best blog post I have ever read. No joke. I’m speechless and floored. Please tell me you are going to write a book like this. I haven’t been here in a while and I am sad to say that. But I am so glad I came today. I saw your tweet. I think there is something in that letter for everyone even if they feel they are doing pretty good. Because we ALL have those moments. I know I have. You doubt or feel lost when things aren’t going as you hoped, but you have to keep trying and hang in . But it can be so hard. A voice like yours Benny , and I mean this with ALL OF MY HEART, is a gift. Thank you for sharing it with me today. with Everyone. I would hug you if I were there.
Consider yourself hugged 😉
Colleen 😉
That’s the best feedback I’ve heard about any of my posts. Thanks Colleen! I’ve always wanted to write a book and this could be the starting point for it. Thank you for the idea! I can feel the hug all the way here. Thanks so much Colleen!
It’s all about the Slight Edge:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Slight-Edge-Revised-Edition/dp/193594486X
Great post Benny!
Benny, I like Colleen’s idea above. A whole book of letter dedicated to certain situations.
One for marriage, one for when you feel hopeless about life. Another for when you fall flat on your face, have kids, get divorced, experience death. i could go on.
Seriously, I’ve only ever felt hopeless in my life a few times. And that’s when my father died. Everything after that pales in comparison. so when I feel down or have failed at something, i think of how bad it could get what would my father think or say and that helps me put things into perspective and get my ass moving.
Life-changing. Benny, you should really think about writing a book in the near future. Your message needs to be shared.
Thank you for the awesome words Lorraine! A dream of mine would be to write a book.
That’s a great way to put things in perspective when times are tough. I do want to write some sort of book, but that’s about as far as I’ve gotten with that. But your idea and Colleen’s idea are great ones. When you coming to visit Taipei? I’m here now! 🙂
Me too Annie, but it was with my Mom. Benny has it in him to do this. That is a heart that can reach people. So many need to hear “hold on” “It will be OK” even ..”Move!”
Benny, you can do it. 😉
Thank you for this post and your whole site. I am 46, female and became very ill with chronic fatigue and some other things the past ten years. I am finally on a good healing path and feel so behind in life and mine is not a matter of laziness or too much going on, but not enough energy. I have things I have always wanted to do and try the best I can but I’m not getting where I want to be due to lack of energy and exhaustion some days.
I feel really at a disadvantage and at an advantage in other ways because I am eligigle for help from Voc. Rehab and plan to go as my health gets a bit stronger or even if it doesn’t. It is getting a little better but it has taken me years to hit bottom from adding to it all by making bad choices in relationships and friendships and now I have more time to myself and I just have to have hope I can turn this around at some point.
I have many talents and skills I want to put to good to use and make money at finally. I hope it is not too late as my healing is going along fairly slowly with yoga and Chinese Medicine and learning more about my illness and what it means to spend my energy wisely.
So thank you for this. It really applies to me.
It’s never too late Cat to change how you want your life to be. I know it must be a tough road but take it day by day. Make a conscious choice to improve then a year from now you can look back and realize how far you have come.
Thank you so much. That is the best advice yet. Little by little and be conscious about it every day. I do tend to waste time when I don’t feel well and I can simply try to focus on something more useful little by little.
An awesome blog, the words will haunt me even after reading it for a long time.
ah hahaha
man oh man. MAN OH MAN.
I almost got too damn embarrassed after realising that more than half of the stuff I wrote in the reply to your email in which you asked me to reply ASAP with any problems or worries in life, are written down here totally! lmao
Anyways, on a more serious note. Totally frickin’ awesome wake up call. I liked the Jim Carrey quote dude. I’m gonna rub it in my face mentally ALL THE TIME I’m not doing what I’m supposed to because I love Jim Carrey, he’s a fantastic person and I’ve heard of his story of carrying a cheque for $10mil or something like it and he encashing that thing in 3 years in 1995 or something I guess after his first movie paid him off handsomely. Man that was awesome. Love you Jimmy. So.. Whenever I think and then overthink and finally decide not to approach a girl, I will say that quote and just do it. I am not gonna care about the rejections. Life’s too short to care about rejections when you’re ass is gonna get plummeted everyday and it’s just the way life is. So, no more masturbation, because there will be no hesitation.
Apart from that dude, I’m gonna have to make some serious-ass changes towards my attitude to my development work. I take off too many damn days not doing any development. But here’s what I found after reading that line “like vs commitment” : I really don’t think I like-like making Android apps or just apps for that matter. I’m just in it for the money to be honest. BUT I’d love to make games. I love-like to make games. But that’s a steeper road of learning. That’s what makes me afraid. Then I think of doing some webstuff – some site like Tumblr or Facebook or just about anything that would definitely make $1000 a month. Use that money to start my own freelancing company, from that to a game development company, while keeping the freelancing one alive, and then bigger and better things, and then from there to even more bigger things until I finally become a billionaire one day, like my dream of designing and manufacturing kick-ass cars that would run on clean energy. The cycle goes on and on. I really haven’t still found what I can do which I would love-like to do, aka, be committed to!
Alrighty mate. This post was certainly helpful. It has only been about an hour and all this shit had so much impact.
No worries! Had to give you some tough love. I don’t think any other way would have helped.
Somehow I landed up here at the right time, when my need to know this is at the right level. Thank you.
Awesome post, filled with excellent advice! I will definitely check out udemy – I love to explore and learn new things. But I agree- don’t spend too much time “researching” and preparing for the perfect moment. Nothing will substitute for action, and experience (even failure) brings invaluable knowledge.
Great man you have write what is every one is looking for the as many of us looking for job with good income and work they can do with there hearth thank you for sharing this useful information all the newbies.
Great letter. Although i recently have a lot of motivation i feel like i got the newest energy to do better! I will translate this letter to polish and show it to my mom. She will defenitely need an inspiration like this. Thanks Benny!
Hey Benny:
Sorry I’m late to the party – but I wanted to second all the other comments. We’ve all been there and it’s easy to get on a “negative roll” and down on yourself. Great sentiments – and well written.
It looks like all is well a GBL. Take care!
Like this encouraging post, no matter how bad things happen in the past, move forward is the only option to take to change the condition. 🙂
“Go to Google or read a book about how you can increase your productivity. There are so many different systems out there. You just have to try it out until you find one that is the right fit for you. It’s like dating but much easier to break up with if you’re not pleased” <- That got me laughing and so true~!
First of all I want to thank you for the great blog you’ve created! I actually came across your blog when I was having a boring moment at work today and dwelling on my becoming 34th birthay in week’s time. That’s when I found your 34 life lessons…It immediately cheered me up! I should really embrace the years I lived and not always think about what I don’t have…
So I saved this blog and liked it on facebook and then continued to read what the Epic living means. And wow again, although today has been a great day (since the midday, I read you life lessons and after got some good news) your text still totally hit me! I I am living my dream I’m on a right career track but what I’m missing is a partner and one day maybe a family. I might have come across people that were not right for me but I will just continue. There is no right place or time for finding him and I should enjoy the ride meanwhile! I am planning on taking up new things in my life and continue following my path. One thing of being them already on my way getting there is going on a holiday on my own for the first time! Scary but think it will be great!
Thanks again for the great words and all the best! 🙂
Beautifully written, and so very true sitting around hoping for change to happen just isn’t an option if you want to succeed in life at what ever you want to do… One needs to take action to progress even if you fail a few times…
After reading i just feel like i was just waiting so long for a perfect moment in my life. I know I am better than this. I know I have huge potential , in fact everyone does. I wont stay this average person. Your post has somehow awaken me. Time for changes.
You are a good man benny!
Thanks
I’m sure you get enough gratitude on here but I have to say THANK YOU. this particular post has changed my life around for the better when I needed it most. Being relatively new to the work force has brought on much stress and uncertainties. These few months I’ve read book after book about finding happiness, getting out of depression, overcoming perpetual worries, professional counseling, and countless blogs and posts to pull myself out of a very deep hole where I was contemplating the meaning of my existence and it made going to work another day seem like unending torture and I just wanted no more of it. You’ve hit so many points on the nail and, for the time being, a sense of purpose in my life has been renewed and I could actually get a glimpse, again, of the wonderful things I have in life that I was not able to see in so long. I really needed a jump start and somehow it feels like I got one. Please continue to make a difference through your blog and projects.
Hey Adam! Thanks so much for the comment. So glad that this post has had such an impact on you!
I’m sure your intentions are good and that you believe everything you are saying Benny. My opinion is that success comes from an extremely variable combination of circumstance and effort. Interestingly, people who succeed in anything are usually keen to emphasize/preach to others how critical their effort and mental attitude were, rather than attempting to unpick the unfathomable string of uncontrollable coincidences that enabled them to achieve. It seems to be essential to humans, and particularly those that subscribe to the “American Dream”, that we are largely in control of our lives, and that anything is possible if we want it enough. The truth is far less flattering, and this makes such overblown claims unintentionally deceptive, cruel and lacking in compassion.
i need some motivation . completed my engineering and my academic scores are very low . i’m jobless i dont know what to do . i dont have any skills . i’m hopeless now
You gave everyone in this hopeless world a dim light of hope. Hope is in our hand. Thanks.
I would have liked to have read your blog. But the box that keeps moving down the side of the article as I scroll down was SO ANNOYING, that I had to stop reading it. Truly, you need to get rid of that box. It really is irritating.
You cannot believe how this article has help me at this moment. You have encouraged me. Thank you.
Happy to hear that. 🙂
My pleasure. So glad to hear that you’re back with your husband and your family is together again. 🙂
One after another my interviews went wrong. I am hopeless now. Everyday I come home and sob. Every night I wake up with wild dreams. Every morning I get up with sad face. I am not able to tell my fiance about it. My heart is twitching and twisting everyday.
Your letter has given me a hope. I will implement these suggestions in my life Thank you so much for writing. Thank you.
You’re welcome. Hope things get better for you.
You inspired me to go on, thank you. I wont let the hardships rule me out
i got bored half way..but i got the gist.. have to pull myself up and start doing things that will bring changes…but to help and make people realize that idle days isnt gonna bring any fruit is good…the suggestion to learn new thing from Udemy inspired me will try that 🙂
I hate this sentence “It does get better if you want it to”
Why do you hate it? You probably don’t believe it. Why can’t you change your life you want to? You can. People have. People who grow up poor are now rich. People who have lost a business have started a new one. People who are paralyzed for life are happier than someone people with a healthy body. So yes it can get better if you want.
“People who are paralyzed for life are happier than someone people with a healthy body.”
Wat. Maybe as happy but not happier.
I agree with self change, actually weirdly I’m sure I read somewhere that certain changes occur in DNA over time when a person actively changes a behaviour or practices a skill. SO I guess changing yourself can be done but its hard, like playing a trumpet.
the last 4 years i have been doing nothing but losing and failing. after obtaining my MSc degree at my 31 :
– Failed to get a job in my career
– Failed in passing car driving license exam
– Failed at practical car driving license
– Failed at building my own project
– Failed to save money
– Failed to start a family
today still failing i am 36….last success was at 31…what the hell is going on
I don’t know. I’m also a person who has a sucked life. I can manage everything. But still I couldn’t stop thinking about one thing. I have a girlfriend and sometimes she says she loves me and again she says she doesn’t love me. I don’t know what to do. I can’t explain what the hell is going on my mind. Because of this reason I can’t study, I can’t do anything else. There’s no one to listen this. I don’t know. Now my life is getting worse day by day. I’m tired of being what she wants me to be. But I can’t leave her. Because I wanna stay there for her when she needs me. This is mind blowing situation. What the hell I can do?
Just leave her. Be selfish for once. You’ll definitely feel a lot better. I am a med student. I was in your situation exactly as it is. I also couldn’t leave her. Cuz I had sweet memories. She did hurt me a lot. But didn’t leave. Tells she loves me. But I figured out that isn’t love she used to give me 6 months ago. I saw her big change. I didn’t want to know the reason. Cuz I was honest. I just loved her with all my heart. I talked with my family and friends. They helped me. I left her a week ago. She will surely survive without me. So as I. I missed my studies a lot. No excuses. That’s my fault. So be a man and decide. Everything happens for a reason. Good luck!
OMG. Whatever u said is exactly 100% exactly what i feel and say to myself.. I knw i’m very creative and talented but i’m stuck with this right thing to come on my way. What is that Right Thing???? I myself don’t know. May be i’m too good for everything and i end up getting none to do anything presently. I’m tired of waiting eventually going broke and hopeless.
Whatever u wrote is so true.
1.Suicide yes
2.Jim Carrey.. hell ya LMAO hahahahahahahaha
3.Pointing fingers at others. YES and rest etc etc
Yes i know i have to stand up and wake up (wake me up when its all over its my status for 8months now 🙂 BUT there is a question where do i go? what to i do? because i dont see any thing out there or anything that calls me. Where should i look then?
If its to begin from scratch but for that i need to first find tat scratch somewhere..Where???
Grrrrrrr……
At one point i thought instead of just doing suicide why not i do it in more charitable way i.e donate my organs to those who need it..Atleast then i’m useful for somebody somewhere and not hopeless…LOL…
Anyway i really love reading what u wrote.
Thank You Benny
Benny Hsu, a few hours ago my boyfriend and I had a huge fight. He made some comments about how I don’t care about our relationship, how I dont I want to better my life, and that I just want to stay at a dead end job. I was all packed up and ready to head out that door but I had a feeling that I needed to stay and try to talk with him. I finally calmed down after crying and we talked a little more and as I’m laying next to him right now I realized that he was right. I’m scared to try something new and different and I’m terrified to start college. All I want is for things to just be okay and normal without something going completely wrong. After reading this, I can honestly say that your words instantly hit me. You said everything that I needed to hear but in a way that didn’t make me feel so horrible about myself and the way that I have been living my life. Sometimes all it takes is for a complete stranger to tell you what you need to hear but at the same time have the person reading it to feel as if they have a friend in you. So starting now my life will be different and wonderful because this just gave me the motivation that I needed. I’m a firm believer in God and I have asked him to help me see what it is that needs to be fixed and he answered me with this letter you wrote. So Benny Hsu, please know that you have helped this girl learn that it’s her that needs to change. Not everyone else who needs to change if for me. You are one of God’s angels on earth. Again thank you. You have no idea what this meant to me.
I actually found this quite offensive. You seem to be talking exclusively to lazy people who just don’t want to try while coming accross as trying to help people with real problems. I find your attitude disgusting.
“I hate to break it to you, but you’re not going to lose all the
weight you want in two weeks and keep it off forever. You’re not going
to forever eliminate years of bad habits in a month. You’re not going to
have $100,000 in a year if your bank account only has $100 now. You’re
not going to build an online business making $1,000 a week working only
four hours with no skills and no money to start.
So what will it take? I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’s
going to take one day at a time. You need to start making deliberate
choices and stop sleepwalking through life.”
I’m sorry but anyone with a brain cell in their skull knows this. You sound like you’re talking to a 12 year old. There are lazy people and people that want everything on a platter. But your letter seems to target EVERYONE who seems a little bit down. If it is, you need to fucking rethink what you are writing. Do you really think people become suicidal because theyre a bit confused on what they want to do in life? Do you really think telling someone “Well chin up buddy, cos noone else can do it for you” is helpful?
How about someone suffering with agoraphobia and can’t leave the house? Do you think this letter is teaching them anything they don’t already know? Do you think there is any advice anywhere in this letter for anyone who actually has a real problem? There isn’t. This letter is just the long way round of saying “Chin up buddy” to someone who has had something like a bad hair day on a grander scale.
You said you were there once. Where exactly? And where are you now?
I’m not even going to bother with a respectful reply because of your attitude. If you don’t like the article that’s fine. Just click close and move on if you found my attitude so disgusting.
Best of luck to you.
My life sucks. From the beginning to (I hope) fast end. I am neurosurgeon, have got a lot of money, nice sports car, big house and blah blah. Like a dream? Not for me. I don’t have love. I don’t have it because I don’t have time at all. My life sucks. I always wanted to be an Navy SEALs operator. I wanted to be a soldier, have a wife, kids. But now I’m doing what I don’t want to. I spend all day with people but I feel alone. I would give everything to make my wish come true. But it won’t.
I’m no expert, but you can still achieve what you want. It’s never too late. Even if you’re 41, like Benny said, you’ve only lived 52% of your life. You just have to plan and think about how to make it happen. Maybe, in order to find your wife, you had to become a neurosurgeon and live a crappy life, and one day when you would make some life changing decision you would meet her. You can do it. Believe in yourself. And trust me, this is coming from someone who had depression and got cured. Sometimes, I do have those sad moments where I feel I’m going to relapse, but I no longer make the mistake I once did: thinking it’s all over and I can’t do anything about it.
Is it hard to find a wife if you are loaded?
I can make ur wish come true .am looking a hushand and child
You have wealth. With wealth you have options.
Try a dating site.
You have options!!! You have something that others only dream of… Success. You accomplished something in this world. Congratulations… You should be proud. But… You should not let it define you!! If its not for you, figure out what is. Your brilliant… You became a neurosurgeon!!! Become something else!! Its never too late!!! Find that hunger, that desire again and go get it!!!!
Marcel, I can’t make your wish come true, but I have an interesting proposition for you. If you would be willing to help me start a business, you could have a purpose for your life. You see, I don’t have money, but I have a job that pays so-so. I have a lot of student loan debt which keeps me from saving money. I have always wanted to own a business. I am nobody to you, this we both know. But we both found this website for a reason. To give us hope. Even if you never see this message or decide you don’t like people propositioning you, I hope your wish comes true. I hope mine does too, someday.
Marcel, if your life sucks and yet you have all this big money, then relive yourself of just a small portion of that terrible money and give me a No Interest, pay it back when I can, loan. So I can get some land and build the organic farm that my wife and I dream of. My wife, who is a great cook, also wants to run a Diner and or a fruit and vegetable market adjacent to the farm where we will produce the organic foods we will sell. So if you, Marcel, or anybody else out there wants to feel good about having your money out in the world and doing some good for others, and at the same time helping the environment, then contact me ASAP and “Lets Make a Deal!” I have also thought to make with the farm that we want, (Somewhere in Idaho, near the Canadian Border, Cause my wife is from the Nelson, BC area), some guest cottages where investors in my organic farm and roadside dinner plan, could come and spend time each year riding horses and hiking and in general getting back to nature. You see right now I have absolutely nothing to loose. So I will even post my Resume here so All Can See that I have nothing right now that anyone can take. But I do have the skills to build those cottages and work that farm, and build that Diner. I already raise chickens and produce farm fresh eggs, we grew a ton of Green Beans this year, Zucchini, and Squash, and Pumpkins, and Potatoes, on and on, and on… All the stuff we grow here at my rented property in Northern Utah, is completely organic! If you want to know about that just get a copy of a new movie just out and now available at Target stores called: GMO OMG. But my Organic Farm and Roadside Diner are my main dreams as of now in my life. I am looking for sincere folks with the means to help me get it going. Well enough of that, here’s my resume folks:
Resume
of- Steve
Nelson
Resume of Steve Nelson: (Gosh I Hope this works)
Resume of- Steve Nelson
464E. 1750 N. North Ogden, Ut. 84414
USA HP 801-782-4827
E-mail: stevesworldisnumber1@hotmail.com
Work
Specialty- Maintenance Tech/Handy Man
1
year with Kier Corp, Ogden, Ut.
6
Months with ARC Mobile Home Parks, Clearfield & Ogden, Ut.
4
½ Award winning yrs. w/Motel 6 (Top Ten in the Region) Ogden, Ut.
2
yrs. YCC Your Community Connection, Ogden
12
yrs. Building, Owning & operating My Own KEY & COPY Convenience store,
Ogden
3
yrs. Warehouseman w/Boyle furniture, Ogden
Over
40 yrs. Total Work Exp.
Skills
include:
Elec. Work,
Plumbing, Painting, Carpentry, Lawn & Landscaping, Sprinkler Repair, Snow
Plow Operator, Cert. Pool/Spa Operator, Drafting, Key Maker & Lock work.
Steve has written 11 books… Tomorrow’s
World #1 (At PublishAmerica.com)
*TW2 DESERT TREK *The Maintenance Engineer
*Escape from the
ORDER! *The
Problem Eliminators!
*In the 47th
Generation
*NIBLY
the Bear ~ Visits the People Town
*NIBLY the Bear ~ Gone Fish ‘in *The
Deliberate Poisoning of Earth
*100+ Quotable
Quotes By & About Dr. Ron Paul~ A Real Amer-I-Can!
* The Book of Mormon~ Colorfully Illustrated
(*) Books published at: SMASHWORDS.COM All books
are available at: Barnes & Noble.
Look Steve up on FACEBOOK.
I Can
Do a Great Job for YOU! ~ Steve Nelson
******So Folks, Can We Make a Deal?*******
I hope it will help me.
Hello from Ukraine !
Prayer for Hope 🙂
“St.
Jude, glorious apostle, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the
person (who betrayed our Lord) has caused you to be forgotten by many, but the
true Church invokes you universally as the Patron of things despaired of. Pray
for me, who is so miserable; pray for me, that I may finally receive the
consolations and the succor of Heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and
sufferings, particularly (ADD YOUR PERSONAL REQUEST HERE), and that I may bless
God with the Elect Throughout Eternity.”
I don’t feel like living anymore. I’m 36 and have no prospects whatsover. At this age, haven’t achieved anything in terms of career life. Even my husband said it is too late for me to do anything to change my life. I know what I have to do and I know what I want to do but have no motivation to do it. I have a small online business that’s not doing so well but still sticking at it. The other day my husband mocked it by saying my business is fake. He doesn’t believe in it and he blames me for the reason why we are suffering. He calls me a quiter and a loser. After hearing such words, it’s hard to believe anything good about myself. I just feel so hopeless and literally everyday I’m always contemplating suicide. There is just no light at the end of the tunnel for me. I am a classic case of someone who has under achieved all their life. No future prospects, no hope, no nothing. I feel like everyone is laughing at me and saying, look at this fool. Don’t want to live anymore. The pain and struggle are just too much.
Having your own company is an incredible thing, even if it’s not doing well at the moment the fact that you are sticking with it is amazing, businesses always have up and downs. It is never too late to do what you want so maybe you should give it a shot. Have you been to see a doctor about how you are feeling?
And forgive the intrusive comment, but it sounds like you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship, if so no wonder you have low self esteem. Partners should build you up not put you down.
It can get better!
Well what about your husband is he not brining in the bacon.
I never thought I’d find the magic words to motivate me, and these aren’t magic words. Nonetheless, I needed this. Everything said here were things I knew in back of my mind, but seeing it actually put together… I feel more clear headed. I want to be a writer, and I’m studying sociology and failing out of college. I’m done. I’m done hating myself and staying stagnant. Done feeling like I’d rather be dead than living my life. I’m scared about quitting college, even for a little while, to focus on my dreams. But I’m more scared that I’ll regret not doing this. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Thanks
Confront your mortality and exercise. That’s the secret for some. Just consider them.
Ya know benny im 41 n all my life ive struggled n tried to make the best of it.. I cant do suicide cuz no matter how hard it gets it always occurs to me that someone always has it worse than i do.. N its true.. Im at a point in my life tho i want out.. Im a single dad who against all odds n no money got custody of my daughter n for 17 years struggled just to provide for her.. Ive somehow managed to get her this far.. Ppl i did this with things in my life getting taken from me constantly.. It was like a neverending flying poop vaccume.. It just never stopped.. Jobs.. Two cars.. Any lil money i barely managed to scrounge n scrape up just being able to get her food so she could eat.. Im not gonna lie that life sometimes can feel like it has kicked u further down when uve tried to get up.. I should know.. I grew up with teo narcissists in my family that took every waking moment to discourage me n taunt me n push me around n abuse me at thier leasure but in the end i still manage to fight.. I refuse to drown but sometimes i feel like my dreams are only just that… Dreams… Ive been lost for awhile but what i realiZed tonight coming across ur article is i needed someone to say some of the things u did.. Thats tru support.. Its good to hear those things not cuz they patronize or pander.. But u tell someone how it is in a very blunt n realistic way without shooting them down.. Im gonna try.. Try for myself.. Cuz i dont think ive ever done so before.. Thank you for what u wrote.. Its made a difference…its interesting tho what u wrote about luck n how one has to set up the opportunity.. Ive tried almost everything but ive never tried that before.. If that works.. Then it would really be making ones own luck n gotta admit that would be pretty awesome if i could pull that off so im gonna try it.. Thanks !
good on you, good luck and I hope you succeeded!
I feel a huge pain in my chest and gut reading this.
16 never had a gf in my culture if you don’t have one by 14 your a weirdo in my culture you talk to girls you never had seen before once you start to talk to them over online then you see them 10-15 times and settle down there’s a couple I would love to have but they have better suitors so I say to my self why me
I agree, we do live in an on demand, get it fast and easy society. There seems to be a miss; a lack of grass roots in Western culture. It’s as though it’s been forgotten how to build a spiritual, mental & physical foundation, metaphorically speaking, the foundation that helps build and stabilize the rest of your life. There are way too many distractions around us in advertizing magazines, TV, certain people, even our own thoughts and to recognize what distracts you from who you really are or want to be, is a big step in acknowledging; who or what needs to go? and who, or what will help you move forward in your life.
Hey there, i dont know how it works , but you should definetely tell the younger ones to see this before they reach 30 and start realising that i should have done this. Preety good post. I would recommend to my friends. @ aanasada.wordpress.com
You inspired me to go on, thank you. I wont let the hardships rule me out, love quotes
Hi Benny, thanks so much for this incredible article. I’m currently going through tough times on figuring out my career after leaving a company I worked for about 2 years.
It seems that as there are so many things going on in my head, it’s really difficult to listen to my heart. I’ve been depressed for a while, and probably still will be sometimes, but I think your article will help cheer me up. I appreciate it.
And I’d like to ask you if it is OK for me to share your article by translating it into Korean on my blog? (I’m Korean by the way.) I will specify the source and your name and everything required.
I would change the part “You’re not unlucky in life either despite what you believe. You’ve just made a series of poor choices which seemed so tiny at the time, but have compounded to crappy results.” Some have had actual unlucky events against them; it wasn’t a choice at all. And it’s hard to deal w/ that event in your own head, especially when people say everything’s a choice. Better to acknowledge that some events weren’t your choice, but some things are, including what you do from here on out. I just think it’s dangerous to classify everything as a choice. But most of the other parts written here are awesome and a much needed source for doing something. Thanks.
Working only 4 hours for $1000? This writer clearly thinks we don’t work. Try 40 hours a week for less than that. Whoever wrote this is clearly a programmed optimist with a good life. Probably someone rich who says to her/himself “why can’t everyone be HAPPY like meeee?
I think you should re-read what I wrote above before making assumptions like that. I’ll copy and paste it for you. “You’re not going to build an online business making $1,000 a week working only four hours with no skills and no money to start.”
I feel the same. I lost my Good job 9 months ago due to my own family member. Everyone keeps telling me to get over it but I can’t. That was my son and I lively hood that’s how we survived for 5 years!!! I look for work everyday and I’ve been on countless interviews. I’m so sick of my life. It’s to the point where I hate waking up in the morning because it’s the same shit every day! I’ve tried being positive it’s like nothing is working and all I want is my job back and my life back!
Some of us our facing serious issues like chronic illness that limits us in ways you obviously aren’t compassionate or thoughtful enough to understand. Beyond the day to day struggle of coping & fighting the daily symptoms, I have to deal with the isolation & depression my disease brings because it limits my mobility & I often cannot leave my home. It also cause financial stress as it is difficult for someone such as myself to find employment which is not good for my physical condition. It’s a vicious cycle I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I believe your intentions were good here & some of the things you said were appreciated. But until you have to walked in someone else’s shoes you have no idea the hell the live in or how truly strong they are just getting from one day to the next.
Mental illnesses are serious, and you should be seen by a doctor or psychiatrist in an effort to seek help- just as you would with a chronic physical illness. Before you say that I don’t know what I’m talking about or that it’s ‘not that easy’, I ask you to reconsider what you mentioned in your comment about walking in someone else’s shoes. I have dealt with my own demons in the form of mental illnesses, and I know it isn’t easy. But when someone is trying to help, and is trying to make others feel better, we shouldn’t brush them off and their efforts in a negative way. No one is asking you to change your life, they are just pointing out a different perspective. Not everything is hopeless, even when you struggle with mental illness. This letter is very well-written and insightful, and it gives (most) people what they’re looking for- hope. But I suppose that is a key element of the letter. If you’re not looking for hope, you probably won’t find it. If you don’t want to be helped, you won’t be. The only person that can truly help you is yourself. That’s what this letter is about. If you want change in your life, you need to be the one to take the steps to change it. We don’t all have the same struggles, but we can overcome them if we are willing to.
she didn’t say she had mental illness. she said she had an illness that limits her mobility and she sometimes gets depressed BECAUSE of her illness. Learn to read.
I cannot tell you how hard this letter hit me. I found your letter BECAUSE I was sick of the same day, the same pity-party, always wanting stuff but never REALLY wanting it hard enough to try. I got on google and typed in feeling hopeless about life and your letter was the first link I clicked on. Tears flowed as you hit every single thing I thought. That I’m just unlucky, that life is against me. Granted reading this once wont change my life, but hopefully with dedication I can come back to this letter in moments during lack of motivation and I can remember what it really means to want something and go for it.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Sometimes things happen for a reason. You were meant to find my letter. I’m hoping the letter is a wake up call for you. Change won’t happen over night, but you have to be determined to start and to do whatever it takes for you to create the type of life you want.
I’ve had this letter open in my browser for *days*, always intending to read it. Yesterday I started poking around on YT, eventually landing on Marie Forleo’s video with the author of Turning Pro.
I’ve tried to absorb everything I could online about that book, trying to see if I wanted to go ahead with buying it. I decided not to because I figured with all the videos, reviews and slideshares, I got the gist.
Then I read this, which is basically saying the same thing as Turning Pro. I’m gonna go ahead and take this as a little sign from the universe.
Great! Here’s a great quote to go with that from Zig Ziglar, “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” And read “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield if you haven’t yet. I believe it’s perfect for you. Let me know after you read it!
Now, I think I’m getting back on track… Thank you and all the best! I’m excited to update all of you guys here, what will I accomplish… Itmight not be big, but at least i tried, will be loving my small steps at a time… Wishing everyone the best in life!
Wow! A kick of truth to my face and soul. I’m really glad i have found this. Now it’s time to bounce back into life after being in the wilderness for while. Thank you so much.
HOW DO YOU WILDERNESS
I don’t know if I’d feel alive if I left civilization, but something in me tells me I might
Welcome Daniel! Hope it’s a great wake up call.
lol
Sounds like me. I’m still stuck in a low wage store job, because I can’t find a way to break into fields I want due to lack of experience, money, training, no volunteer oppurtunities, no cross training availible, so I constantly feel like a failure. Doing poorly in a not so useful major doesn’t help either.
Find ways to get the experience you need. Even if it’s starting out at the very bottom. Is there a way to train online? Your mindset isn’t help the situation I’m afraid. You see yourself as a failure and you just reinforce that every day. If you want to break out of your low wage store job, you’ve got to change first. Lots of articles here and my podcast that’ll help you change your inner mindset.
Thanks. And I too found of online classes. If I want to train for a career, I don’t you can really learn as over a computer. Online lack a lot of the subtilities that traditional training has. I’m more of a visual learner anyway.
I’m 31. Should my age be something to worry about?
After reading.. im feeling good ..
Very true Trey. Good luck.
Why would i want to live in a place where kids are enslaved , murdered, raped , there are 1 billion people suffering of malnutrition , we and our family/friends can be killed anytime on streets by a stranger who needs a dollar to buy some food .
This is a fucked up world and nobody should want to live in it .
If u want to live this shitty life , this means u want to see people dying and this makes you a psycho/sick/reason why i want not to live anymore.
That’s the truth and u should accept it …
This helped perk me up a little bit. I’d been having a rough day because a couple of bad things happened and I’ve been stressed out because I graduate from film school in a few months and have had a lot of stuff on my mind but this helped quite a bit. I guess I’m afraid because I’ll need to get a job after I graduate but I know the market is rough, my skills are limited because I have a disability, which makes doing what I like to do harder than it should be, and I was only able to get a job because of my dad, my social life is inactive, and I want to go back home but can’t because my parents are about to retire and my sister is getting settled in to being married and having a job and I don’t want to disrupt that plus my hometown doesn’t really have any jobs related to what I want to do, so I’ve kind of been driving myself crazy in feeling trapped and hopeless. I guess I just need to calm down and get my mind off things, huh?
vegimorph, i’m glad that you vented out *all* that’s troubling you! i’m no guru, but it sounds to me that this phase will pass! That’s right, it is a phase you’re going through at the moment, and it will, eventually, pass. The winds are a bit rough at this stage, and i hope you hold on tight and steadfast as the trusty helmsman! Soon enough you’ll be in calmer waters, meanwhile stay strong and tall. A good sleep every night (-insert what perks you up-) helps 🙂
its working !!
I don’t want it enough? Really? Lol. Im glad this helped others but to me this is more of the same gobbledigook. Life is relative. If we are hopeless it could be due to a million things. Don’t let an assertive shout out like this put you in a box people. There will always be those who have the sun shining out of their ass but the answer to life is not on a web page.
i don’t know why anyone else here got anything out of this article. i’m still bored shitless by my life and working VERY hard to change things. in two years i’ve lost 22 kg, started a fabulous garden and done some other very important healing work. as per this stupid article’s promise – nothing wonderful has happened as a result. i’m still living a boring existence, hurting for a better life and not knowing what the hell else to do with myself. before you respond to my comment let that TWO YEARS thing sink in a bit. i’m not some idiot who expects instant results in my life so, what now?
10 jobs before finding …
Geez … I’d just like to have one good job so I can stop being underemployed, I trade my hours for time. Just had to be a decent way to earn a decent check.
“It gets better if you want it to.” Pffft, why not just say “have faith”?
Benny- your article represents the best the internet has to offer. Sooner or later, everyone should come across what you’ve written. Some will move on, perhaps not yet ready to grow. Some will never be ready. But for readers like me, I’m ready. And I thank you for what you’ve said. Many articles online are excellent, and offer good advice- but yours is special, simply for how simply you write it, and how it feels more like a one-on-one sit-down with just me, although it is written for all. Your article reaches greatness. And then surpasses it. Thanks again- and Happy New Year!
Yeah it’s fine unless you’re 50 then it doesn’t matter. Fucked is fucked.
I love your article I think its absolutely great but can you tell me what can I do I live in michigan and I’m 44 years old I thought I was doing the honorable thing when I took the rap for a crime I did not commit and the funny thing is , is ghe courts know and agreed for me to take the rap it is stated in my transcript the I am taking full responsibility for a crime I didnt do so I now have a felony from 2001 and it’s like I’m always being punished for it cant rent a house,apartment can’t get a job OH DON’T GET ME WRONG I DO NOT GIVE UP I FIGHT EVERY DAY to stay positive AND THE whole thing is , is they know I didnt do anything so do I feel like a failure yes I do How am I supposed to not feel like one when I keep getting the door slammed in my face all the time I dont do drugs nor do I drink I don’t have so much as a parking ticket on my record nothing at all but this felony and I’m treated as like I’m some hard core criminal and its a NON-VIOLENT CRIME so any advice would greatly be appreciated oh I also do ironman competitions and certain races I cant do because of a felony I mean really I dont get it LOOKING FOR ANSWERS OR SOUND ADVICE
Hey man, sorry don’t have much advice, UK here. Just wanted to say that is honestly truly fucked up and I hope you find what you’re looking for.
It seems like our judicial system is more about big business and making money than protecting lives. Maybe contact a law school to see if they have suggestions for representation for wrongful convictions. Do not give up.
“You’re going to take risks anyway, so you might as well RISK WINNING! Either do or don’t! Aren’t you tired of being broke? Stop complaining and focus on today,… because there’s no damn body cares about your past! It’s all about what you can do and produce–TODAY! Be the Exciter TO BE the igniter!”–Charlie Mitchell JR
I was crying and later an idea comes to my mind of committing suicide. I’m a failure a losser and wasted alot of decisions. I perform well on college but what happened to my career? Not able to get a stable job. But hey thanks! The letter really describe my current situation. I cry because I know I’m not the only one. Thanks bro! Best regards!
I saw your letter. It was very moving and it spoke the truth of determination and how it would put forth your drive to do the best at what you wanted to.
I am 19 and I’m struggling with my parents over the idea of college. I’ve honestly been very antisocial for most of my life, and I told my mother that further isolation would cause me to really lose it. I pleaded endlessly with tears that I wanted, that what my goal was, my dream, was to be with those I love and care about. I wanted to go and get to be with those I love so much. I want to live with them and have a happy life. I don’t need to be rich, I don’t need to be famous. I just want to live happily with my partner and I want to cooperate with them to both make a happy life together. But mother keeps telling me I have to go to a decent college or I won’t live a happy life. Like she knows what’s best for me. Do you really need college to live a happy prosperous life? I’ve seen people and some of my friends live that way just fine. They won’t let me off, they’re making me go to college no matter what, and I can’t even choose because they are the ones paying. I have to go to a high college, a college they want me to go to. The same parents who ridiculed and put me down all my life. Very often calling me stupid for rejecting their plans for a supposed “great life”. I don’t know what to do. It just makes me feel hopeless inside. What choice do I have. The way I see it if I go with their plan and actually do have a nice job, then for what? I won’t have what I desire because my goal is to work together with my partner and live happily. That’s all I want.
Good education never hurt anybody and hey, it’s only 4 years. It could be a test for you and your partner; if you are apart for 4 years and endure it means you really can make it. In a way you are really fortunate that your parents are paying for your school. I’ve seen the people who graduate with 100,000 in debt and it’s really hard for them.
You are very young, consider this an opportunity, sort of like an insurance for life. Once you graduate you will be free from your parents and you can do what you want.
Education is really very important . Your parents may not have treated you well but don’t mix up that with your education . Having a good degree will help you no end in the long run .You can always continue your relation with your partner . But this is the time for you to study well and make a strong foundation for yourself . When you have a good job you also be able to live a very comfortable life with your partner . Please study for your sake not for your parents. Because you are the one who is going to benefit from it in the long run . I am 31 ,trust me I have learnt it the hard way. You are still very young ,please focus of your education .
I was just like you when I was 17, I left my high school at year 11. After all, I still go back and finish it then I choose to go to uni cuz I got no choice. At the first two years, it was pretty hard for me, I was struggling everyday about my life, I’m a very shy girl, don’t like to talk to people and I don’t trust people easily. I didn’t have my parents around and I have to make new friends but these two years, I found yourself being stronger than I used to be. And even from bad experience, I will still learn a lot. Anyway, education is really good for your future, not only the knowledge you get, also you will know how to perfect yourself through all of these. Hope all your dreams will come true:) I just want to stay with people I loved too.
Thank you for this, it’s so awesome. You are an absolutely beautiful person, and I will remember this letter for the rest of my life <3
hi.. 24 years old. unemployed, stuck in my amazing royal deathbed waiting for my life to end cause i screwed up college, was not able to graduate, no more money for college, ended up working but i just resigned and gave up because of so many crappy decisions i made that turned out to be a big shit hole results. and now i probably tried standing on a bridge like 10 times and just look down and wanted to end my life, to make things easier, to get away from all the depression i deal with everyday. But im still here. doing the same routine everyday, feeling miserable. hating everyone, hating myself, and couldn’t look in the mirror. I wanted to work abroad to help my family financially because were poor and build us a brand new nice house and have a business someday and just do something im proud of with my life. .. but it seems impossible cause i have no money. But I just think your article is awesome. it really hit me and Thank you. I hope i can work things out with my passport and get on an airplane and just fly soon. I I think Its just all in my head and i pray things will work out just fine,
Same age,and exactly same story! It sucks. Right? But we to pick ourselves because no one will. We have to fight, endure. Someday it will going to be okay
*have
Hi there, I read this article because I’m suffering exactly the same situation as the letter described. I am currently working on my dream and plan (it is an international opportunity). But before I read this letter today, I was hesitate of what I’m doing or if I can really do it. We can definitely help each other out and make a change in the future.
Hi, I am also running out through the same situation as of now, a recent graduate and feeling like standing on a road without no direction where to go, feeling like messing up on each and everything. I sometimes do feel lonely and don’t know to whom to discuss this matter. A lonely life and all the problems in the life are souring in more and more making me depressed each and every moment.
Sounds like new age positive thinking nonsense. I take it you’ve read the secret, good for you. Is this letter for the 1/3 of the world’s population living in extreme poverty or just those in white middle class capitalist society who actually have access to libraries? I quote you “it’ll weed out the weak ones and only the determined will survive and be handsomely rewarded”. So what about all the ” weak” ones who stumble upon your letter since you’re obviously clarifying that some are just weak and won’t make it. I suppose you feel people with mental disorders, or those who lack access to basic necessities (let alone libraries) to be the “weak” ones, they must be since statistically they have such a small chance of ever getting out of their situation. Hitler had some pretty good ideas of how to deal with the “weak” ones don’t you agree. What a bunch of bullshit, but at least you’re willing to inspire your peers who are naive enough to but what you’re selling.
“No amount of reading, thinking, hoping, and praying is going to help you.” Wow, you REALLY think God is not the source of all power and hope, don’t you? Good luck not eventually realizing you’re empty without Him.
That statement caught my attention too and I find that it makes a lot of sense. God is the source of all power and hope but if you read the next sentence he said what would help is … and “believing.” What is the point of praying if we don’t believe in receiving what we’re praying for? Because prayer ‘only’ works with faith and faith is believing
What I find is a lot of people who consider themselves very successful had some major luck along the way. So, everyone, just relax, wake up each day and do the best you can, be grateful, trust in God, and keep walking! 🙂
trying to find a partner or a date..thats where Im stuck… where are the guys?
How do you handle being a lot of yous? One minute you’re all the positives we just read, 30 minutes from now we’re the negatives. In between we’re the In between. Can’t get control over who, or which one we are at any given moment. I’m a talented artist producing amazing, emotionally powerful works. I’m a baker, cooking up yummy desserts. I’m a drunk. Im a child, crying in fear and pain. I’m an inituative friend, helping a loved one (or a stranger) through a difficult time. I’m a, I’m a, I’m a….. No control. I’m someone that has everything in order, doing with my life what I WANT to do,…and then we’re not So far, haven’t been able to discover…..CONTROL. what do I do with that? Not sorry for myself, life is what it is. Up to this morning, always hopeful, KNOWING there was a way to handle this For whatever reason, nothing new happened, today just feels like the end There is no control for us, there’s just constant, never-ending confusion, from one moment to the next there’s just..?
I feel so depressed whenever I am with my friends or my families just for no reason. I am a student and I feel like i am worrying too much about my future. I have dreams and goals to achieve but my parents and families are against it. I dont know what or where to go because soon i will be going to college and get ready to live on my own. I feel like failing on everything while other people are going ahead of me in every direction which makes me feel like I am left behind. i am not sure who i can lean on when I am going through all this hardships. I imagine of committing suicide every hour.
It sounds like you are in a very rough spot. Set up an appointment to see a counsellor and talk out loud about how you are feeling and what it is you hope to do. Start to write your thoughts about your goals and dreams. Be as specific with what you’d like to achieve and attach time limits to them. Lastly, among all your friends and family – find a trusted person to confide in – and ask them to hold you accountable to taking the steps above – to find a counsellor to speak through this and to begin writing your goals down. Ask your trusted person how they overcame challenges and hardships and kept on going.
Even the smallest success or win should be celebrated to remind you of the positive paybacks of taking steps forward.
Don’t give up! There is like the author writes – so much to live for. Taking small steps forward is the way to start. Mother Theresa’s quote on this “There are no great things, only small things with great love. Happy are those.”
You feel depressed around your family and friends because you dont know who you are yet. This is normal if you are moving in a different direction emotionally or career wise (which it looks like you are) or personality wise than your friends or family. You are at a moment of personal doubt, this means you dont yet know whether to be ‘you’ or to be ‘them’. Do you study what YOU want or what they want? My advice is to study what you want but make sure it will support you financially for your future.
I had this problem. It felt like emotional tug of war. I felt fine on my own but not fine with some family members. Now I know these family members were naysayers and controlling individuals who stifiled my budding self confidence. I think you could spend more time studying and less time with these negative people so you at least dont fail your exams. With good results you will naturally have more confidence. Confidence is like a wall to toxic or exhausting or controlling people. And if you become good at your studies you may enjoy them more. Just some thoughts. Its what I would do. And of course this is all my opinion from life experience being further down the road than you:)
A wonderfully and a well executed letter written to uplift the spirits of young future generations. While reading through all this comments below, now I feel am not the only one who feels the same. I am a student and standing on the distinctive verge of collapse. At somepoint it feels like giving up everything and move out of the hasel. But, after reading through the letter, I have acquired the courage and got to know the reality that life poses to each individual at this stage of life in early 20s. Faced it and beat it harder and emerge as a winner.
I haven’t even gotten past the first sentence and i’m already crying! smh
So maybe I jumped the gun a bit because I thought this article was going a different direction than it did, but nice opening paragraph..friend.
I liked what this article had to say, I beat myself up enough.. http://www.thefreedomexperiment.com/2014/02/19/free-coaching/
I love this post, but I’ve been beaten down by mistakes I made as a kid because my parents weren’t there for me and a few times along the way feeling down and did something dumb. Nothing violent or criminal really…point is, how do I move forward. .. I’ve been sleep-walking for so many years and I feel like my spark is gone. Sad, distant, disabled, and now fat. I want to get up and fight again but I’ve been kicked down so many times I feel like if I make any more decisions my daughter will end up suffering because I’m still good at being her mom, I just don’t know how I’d handle another failure.
I never get anything going. I’m like the description in the article above and I am 47. I’m on disability because my depression runs so deep that i tried to commit suicide so many times i can’t even remember how many times i’ve tried. I’m the poster boy for failure and loss of motivation to try anymore. I would like to die. i am an expert at giving up. Everyone is good at something and my “something” is giving up. I never finished college after going for 7 years. I got bored in school and the assignments were just too much for me to do (seriously, i have to do a 30 page paper? uhh i don’t feel like it). I used to make this joke that college would have been so much fun if not for these stupid homework assignments. It was all just too overwhelming. I dropped out and bounced from various retail job or temp job to various retail job or temp job. They were all boring and didn’t challenge me. The article above I could read everyday or many times each day and it won’t motivate me or inspire me to change. Its just words on a page or in this case, words on a screen. If anti-depressants don’t get me going, words on a screen certainly won’t. I like to watch tv and movies. That’s what i enjoy. Eventually i am just going to commit suicide.
How are you doing now Cody?
same, thanks for asking
Sometimes, for me, being able to talk to someone else – not even about the issues – is a boost. Use meetup to find a group that discusses movies? It might help.
Get busy dying then bud. And try not to spread your toxicity to other people who actually are trying to be more positive about life.
if your supposed to be so positive how is your response even remotely positive, douchebag? encouraging someone to kill themselves? i love spreading my toxicity around the world, i want to see the world in a depressed state like me because that’s what the world deserves, you are proof of that! I tells you what, you kill yourself first and after you’re dead then i’ll kill myself (but in actuality I wont, i just want to see you dead) hee hee then later on i’ll take a shit on your grave. hee hee
I find that it just isn’t so easy to Get Busy Living. In fact its not even up to us, if you really think about it. Seriously, control of our lives is an illusion. Let’s say I want to be an architect. If i go to school to be an architect and i have no aptitude for it, then I’m certainly not going to be an architect. Even if i finish and successfully pass school and have a degree in architecture, doesn’t mean I’m guaranteed a job. I could send/email my resume out till i turn 100 and if i don’t fit the job (have enough experience, specific skills etc) i won’t be hired. What if I go to an interview and everything goes great but the person interviewing me doesn’t like me for some reason (maybe i farted during the interview) and I get no call. There is no way to control these situations. You can not just “will” something to happen because you want it to happen (yeah the book The Secret is a bunch of bullshit). When it comes down to it, you have to be extremely lucky to get what you want in this world. Hate to be the one to say it but it’s the sad truth. I know that there’s going to be people who will say that if you graduate college with honors you’ll have no problem finding a job as an architect. Trouble is, and I’m just spit balling here, not everyone is going to graduate with honors. The truth is there’s only so many jobs out there in any field and some graduates are going to graduate and have to take some menial job that is very below their skill set and the field of their study. Well, I think that is, as we say here in the US, fcuked up and not fair. So i dropped out of the work force. If i can’t get the job i want then I’ll just stay on disability and keep watching tv and movies, oh and surfing the web. I guess I just gave up and why shouldn’t I? I’m too good for any of the little shit jobs out there like fast food or retail jobs. God, those jobs would bore the crap out of me (if i even tried them in the first place) and then i would probably not show up anymore because the jobs suck. I don’t want to do that work, its lame with a capital L. I wish there was a job where i could just crack jokes all day at shit jobs or a job that pays me (a lot of money of course) to watch tv and movies, and even listen to music but the music i like to listen to. Then my greatness would be recognized and i would get the work i deserve and of course i want to be well compensated. Also getting this kind of work that i want shouldn’t take much effort either. I don’t want to have to be really motivated to get the job. Motivation is a real problem for me so getting the watching tv or movies all day job (or listening to my music job) should require no motivation on my part. I’m just found and hired and i get paid like 6 or 7 figures to start would be satisfactory. I deserve that kind of pay because my greatness needs to be rewarded.
I read the letter and nothing, my life hasn’t changed. Hasn’t changed my way of thinking either. How does words on a page change how one feels? How does it revitalize one’s life? It doesn’t. Writing this stuff is easy but putting it into motion, that’s another thing entirely. If I lack the ability to feel what others feel, then words on a page will not be of any benefit to me. If someone said to me that they like my ideas and I’ll work with you to get them started, that would help me. See it’s about motivation, it’s about being unable to get one’s self going and needing someone’s help. I took some pills last night, I was hoping they would kill me. I’m going to lay down. The pills made me sleepy. Good luck everyone
the pill thing didn’t kill me so here i am still suffering in my miserable pointless life. Believe me i wish i was dead because then i wouldn’t have to get a job (although i am on disability so i don’t have to worry even if i am not dead) or worry about not having enough money for food (btw money is the only thing that matters to people in this world). I just want the struggle to end. i take meds but it doesn’t change anything. i should be rich and successful without having to make an effort. it should come easy like in the movies, everything comes so easy. the karate kid (1984) masters the art of karate by wax on wax off. isn’t everything supposed to be this easy, with little to no effort i should have a degree and a high paying job and so forth. i should be rich and famous but instead i want to die. i wish my life would just end. i hate my life and want to die. i could drink drano but the taste is most likely not very good and i would probably go into convulsions or seizures. i just see no point to living. its always the same and i always fail. i am a failure. i am a failure. i am a failure. i hate myself and want to die. i hate myself and want to die.
Life will get better if you want it to? Thank you for pointing out that it is all one’s own fault for not wanting life to get better?! Not all of us have a choice, but it must be nice to have made it and actually think it was all you. What you do is mock people who are in real pain.
my thinking is always of a negative or pessimistic nature. i tried working in real estate for keller-williams and they suck (in fact i wish the office i worked out of in houston texas would’ve burned to the ground, actually i would have liked the whole company to burn to the ground). I had a mentor and she didn’t want to mentor me, nobody wanted to help me and i would ask for help all the time. I even complained to the office manager and when that went no where i complained to main corp. i got fired after doing that, which i’m probably the only real estate agent to get fired from a job that pays commission. Seriously, why wouldn’t anyone there help me to be successful. i should have spread light fluid and burned the office down. i think that would have been the positive thing to do since they were so helpful in making me what i am today, penniless and homeless. yeah that’s right i am homeless and it is their fault. here’s perfect example of me wanting to work and be successful and society letting me down as usual. see that’s the problem with the world is society doesn’t want to help the underdog, the guy who is lost and just wants his fair share, the guy who always comes in last (and then people wonder why he put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger)
I can relate so much I have been preparing for an exam, it’s going to be my 4th attempt, I feel everything you have shared because I am now 28 and don’t know what will happen If I don’t succeed. Have a job it’s good but I don’t enjoy because I aspire something else but I can’t quit my job because I am not sure will I be able to clear the exam and because I have my most time spend on thinking about exam I give average performance at job but I can do better but I can’t quit either I feel so struck.
Thank you so much! A few months ago, I was really at the bottom of my life. I resigned from my job because I felt so irritated at the bullying. I cried the night after thinking that my life is hopeless. I couldn’t get over being a deadkid not being able to talk to people. and now it even became my problem until my adult life at work. I read your article and it made me work and help myself. It gave a lot of courage to face a problem that felt hopeless. Now I read a lot of articles, got into meditation, going to gym and watching different videos that would help. I can now see my ideal self more clearly and feel where I would go. I felt refreshed in doing this routines and appreciated that I was helping myself.
Since I know how much Kat loves my stuff, let’s see, where was i, oh yeah i remember now, Kat smells like she shit herself.
I don’t respond well to the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” bullshit. so to Kat for that useless couple of paragraphs you wrote (which i only read the first few sentences) you can cram that shit you profess. garbage! totally!
Phew! Good luck Cody! I see your attitude is working for you.
remember to learn from this experience Kat. everything is a learning experience. remember to always respect others and their point of view. politeness goes a long way, and forget that tough love crap. it doesn’t work. anger just begets more anger.
What was it you wrote? I’m intrigued.
Also an additional note to Kat, if you don’t like my thinking don’t read my posts. i am entitled to my point of view and i do have a right to express it. if you feel that my posts are negative then think of my posts as a sort of litmus test to the ridiculous optimistic point of views posted here. i think one thing that you do need to work on is politeness Kat. you need to be respectful of others and what others have gone through, and what they have to deal with on a day to day basis. you think life is just apple pie and rainbows and sunshine? if you don’t like my depression, oh well, just keep ypour retarded opinion to yourself and go on with your pointless life.
“Money is the root cause of all evil”
This links would be cool check it out
Found this article in 2014, still my favourite & has a place in the home screen of my phone?
This article would be helpfull if I wouldn’t be a teenager how doesn’t have control over his own life.
Yep my pity party. When i try to get up and live my life my body just kicks me in the groin and knocks me to the ground. I dont drink. I take antidepressants so that when i have really bad days i don’t think about killing myself. I have spinal degeneration with stenosis. I have pain 24 hours a day. I have increased my threashold so i dont have to be on meds 24 hours a day. Naproxen and ibrophen both make my insides bleed and have tried other anti inflammatory meds that do the same. Please don’t tell me everyone falls into your get up and live life crap. I am painfully living life every day. I endure to have fun with my family. I endure to do the things I love to do. Like building things from wood. Sometimes you just need to shut up and listen it isn’t always about wanting pity. I don’t want your pity i just want you to understand that you dont always know the whole story.
Amen!!
This post assumes everyone has dreams or goals. I don’t. I constantly have this feeling that literally nothing in this world is worth the effort. It doesn’t make me excited that I could be a millionaire or that I could be making a change in this world, helping others, being my best self, fighting for a cause, meeting new people, travelling, winning, having a family, being good at something, nor can I imagine a job I would actually like. It all seems stupid, pointless and exhausting. Everything I’ve ever done for extended periods of time I have become bored or annoyed with in the end. All the time I feel like I’m putting insane work and effort into having this life that I never asked for, and making things happen, when all I want is to fall asleep and never wake up again. I feel so tired of thinking and working and studying and having experiences whether good or bad. I just don’t wanna be. I’m not gonna kill myself because I’m afraid reincarnation might be true and I’ll just get born again and it’ll all start all over so what’s the point… I feel so trapped in this sick game of life and it’s the worst feeling ever. ._.
Sorry for spreading negativity, needed to rant a bit. Self-therapy of sorts. I wonder if anyone feels the same?
I know how you feel. I have a similar niggling belief too, that to kill yourself is to start all over again.
I do have happy moments however, and I do have things that I find enjoyable. I live for that process, when my mind switches off and I just do the things that I like.
I don’t want the accolades or the achievements either. Just the freedom to live the simple things.
I hope things look up for you.
Reading your comment,you literally took the words out my mouth. It’s not about achieving goals or aspirations it’s simply lacking the motivation for life. Everything I’ve ever wanted to accomplish I’ve gotten really excited about it for a while ,worked hard and always ended up back at square one and even more disappointed than before. I feel like everything is pointless and this feeling is beyond hopelessness. I honestly cannot think of one thing I look forward to. Relationships never work out. I’ve helped a tremendous amount of people that have turned around and dogged me beyond words. I can’t trust anyone. Even talking to people about how I feel they eventually don’t want to be around me or just tell me I’m being negative and ungrateful. It’s funny, because people think you choose to feel this way. Why would I choose to feel like this? I’ve spent a fair amount of time looking for answers or some type of solution. I’ve stumbled upon a ton of self-help documents, beating depression, motivating yourself, daily affirmations etc…Sometimes this works for a while but sooner or later I’m back to feeling useless and wishing my mother had been pro-choice. I don’t even know where to turn for answers anymore or if it’s even worth it.
Yes
Yes, I stopped reading the “letter” at mid point because It seemed meaningless. But reading you comment I can tell you I felt just like you a lot of times. Sometimes I speak to myself wishing to die, that my family simply forget about me, I don’t want people suffering my absence, I don’t want another life, I don’t want to go to heaven, just want to stop my existence. But, like you, I can’t commit suicide because I also fear that reincarnation might be real, and even if I could I know that my death would be devastating for some members of my family, I lost a loved one, I know how that feels and I can’t do that to them.
Fortunately I don’t always feel like this. Anyway, I hope you find a way out, and I don’t mean a way of killing yourself, but a way to start feeling better and finding joy in life.
omg spreach!!!!
Oh FFS.
Extremely pathetic, good for you for thinking postively, you will never know true pain. When everything in the universe is working against you in every way possible and you still choosing to try and live on because you’re not born to kill yourself
worthless
I stopped reading this letter at the point where it told me to get up and start doing things and that it was essentially my fault if I was unhappy because I wasn’t doing anything to change it: “He who hesitates, masturbates.” I have chronic fatigue–partly brought on by my depression, and partly by other health problems. Life is really overwhelming to me, and piling MORE tasks I have to do on top of that makes it even worse. Fixing depression and hopelessness is not a one-size-fits-all thing, and this letter will make many depressed people feel even worse.