There’s a big problem out there and it is inside many of us. The problem is many of us want life to be easier. We want change to be easier. We want to lose weight easier. We want to have more confidence easier. We want money to be growing on trees. We want everything to go right.

Technology has helped make it easier in certain areas, but in other areas it isn’t going to help us. It’s dangerous to want everything in life to be easier. It can lead to a life that we don’t want.

Let’s take a look at the definition of easy

“achieved without great effort; presenting few difficulties”

Yes it would be wonderful if the life that we dream about came without great effort. That’s why diet pills are a $3 billion a year industry. We get bombarded with get rich quick offers. Happiness can be had for four easy payments of $19.95.

The desire for an easy life with everything we want is a problem. We haven’t always been this way. We didn’t start off wanting an easy life.

Since we were born, life has presented difficulties for us, but we were resilient. We tried to talk, but it made no sense. If we were hungry, we couldn’t say anything so we cried.

We started to crawl. We tried stand, but it wasn’t easy. We didn’t give up. If we fell, we got back up. If we hit our head running into a wall, we’d be back running near that wall one minute later. We weren’t born quitters.

Then something happened, but it didn’t change overnight.

We now are expected to be rational adults. A rational adults wouldn’t do anything crazy. We’ve been taught to be more safe. Take less risks. Go for security. Don’t ruffle any feathers. Don’t make a scene. Blend in.

Life will be easier that way.

A job is better than no job is what we hear, despite knowing how much we hate that job. It’s easier to stay in a miserable job than to quit and search for another.

As we have gotten older, we’ve lost that sense of fearlessness. We think before we do. Sometimes we think so much that we do nothing. We’re not fighters. We are more easily to quit.

What happened?

We have become brainwashed. We have listened to what our parents, friends, relatives, and society have told us. We hear it so much we believe that is the only reality. We didn’t change overnight. It happened slowly overtime.

We rationalize too much. The freedom we have is actually a bad thing. Too many choices can paralyze us. We want some guidance, but when we follow what others say we should do, instead of listening to our hearts, it kills us on the inside.

We feel that life sucks. It isn’t easy anymore. Those instincts we were born with are still a part of us, but buried by layers of conformity.

It’s a shame

This time is the best time in our life. It doesn’t matter how old we are. What matters is that we’re still alive. That’s why it’s an amazing time. There is so much in the world for us.

One of the biggest problems is that we want success and happiness, but we want it to come without effort. We don’t want to struggle, fail, or face embarrassment. We don’t want to be rejected.

We want everything to be perfect. We want our first business idea to be the big one. We want anything we do for the very first time to be THE one. The one that brings in money, successful, and recognition. We want it and we want it now.

Never mind that we have never started a business in our life. Never mind that we are just a beginner. We want it to be easy. It’s stupid to think we get everything right the first time to do it, but that’s what we hope for.

This kind of thinking leads to getting nothing done. If we expect perfection, we’re creating a impossible reality. Since we know perfection will not happen, we do not even begin. A great life isn’t going to come easy. That’s the reality.

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I got an email from a woman who told me about her fear of rejection. She has always had a passion for writing, but fear being rejected. She wanted to convince herself that her writing talents were good enough to share with the whole world.

The whole world? That’s a lot of people to please. How could I help her?

I started typing and words were just flowing out. I hit send and then realized she’s not the only one who fears creating something and putting it out there. If it is not perfect and loved by all, we don’t want to do it.

Perfection is the killer of many dreams.

We can’t please everyone

If we write, blog, sing, act, dance, cook, or create anything, the reality is not everyone will love it. We have no idea how something we create will be received and we definitely cannot please every single person.

I told her don’t convince herself her writing was great enough for the whole world. That is the wrong approach. Don’t even think about what others will think.

Just write because that’s what she wanted to do.

“We must do our work for its own sake, not for fortune or attention or applause.” - Steven Pressfield

Do what makes you feel alive

When I was younger I loved to draw. I would use photos of baseball players in magazines and sketch them. I built model airplanes. I took a drawing class and photography class in high school. I took an acting class in college. I loved all of it.

When I felt stuck in life, I know one of the biggest reasons I didn’t feel happy. My creativity was missing from my life. After college, I didn’t do as much. When I wasn’t working, I watched a lot of TV.

My job at the restaurant didn’t allow me to be creative in the way I really enjoyed. I was just a robot doing the same thing every time.

When I started this blog, I felt excited again. I was able to use my creativity for all aspects of this blog. Though I had never developed a iPhone app, it was so cool to take an idea in my mind and start to see it come to life. That is the type of creativity I enjoy.

What makes you feel alive? Do you have a passion for something, but too scared to do it?

“If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends), “Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?” chances are you are. The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death.” - Steven Pressfield

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The last two years I’ve had great responses to the posts I’ve done for my birthday. Two years ago I wrote 34 Life Lessons I’ve Learned in 34 Years, and last year I wrote 35 Things I’ver Never Told You or Many People Actually.

It’s that time again because on July 21st, I turned 36.

It’s hard to believe I’m six years into my 30s. I remember when I turned 30 I told myself the next 10 years were going to be better than the last 10. They had to be because I entered my 30s more lost and confused than any point in my life.

I didn’t have a plan though. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was still searching for a way to make money so I could leave my job working at the family restaurant. I was still searching for what would make me happy and excited about life.

I was determined though because I didn’t want these next 10 years to feel like a waste.

Amazing things have happened these last six years. I finally have direction in my life. I feel excited about my future. I’ve had some great success. I found true love.

I have listed 36 reasons my life has changed since I turned 30. These weren’t all done at one time. They’ve happened over the last six years. All were pivotal to changing me, getting results, and becoming the person I am today.

They are listed in no particular order of importance.

1. Became the person I wanted to be

Before I had tried to follow steps A to Z to achieve my goals. We all do that, but it never worked out for me so I had to try something different. Instead of asking “What do I need to do?”, I learned to ask myself, “Who do I need to become?”

Makes such a big difference. Instead of just following the steps, I had to become the person that would achieve the goals I wanted. I needed to change myself FIRST, so I could have success. Not the other way around.

I achieved #1 because of all the reasons below.

2. Stopped reading and watching the local news

I used to read the local paper every day. Now I don’t. “But Benny you should be a good citizen and know what’s going on in your city!” I don’t need to know what’s going on. Honestly it doesn’t help me. Plus if I opened the newspaper, it is mostly about all the bad stuff that is going on. Since I’ve stopped reading it, I feel so much better.

3. Cut back on watching TV

I used to have the TV on all the time. Even if I wasn’t watching it, I’d have it on. By cutting back on watching TV, I’ve gained so many hours where I could be doing something productive. I still watch TV, but not as much. Sometimes I go days without turning it on.

4. Kept a gratitude journal

Before I turned 30, I was not thankful for anything in my life. I had money, a house, car, and my health, but I was always focused on what I didn’t have. When I was 33, I started a gratitude journal. I wrote in it every morning for a few minutes. I enjoyed it so much, I developed an iPhone app, Gratitude Journal 365.

5. Exercised

In my 30s, I’ve found my biggest transformations have happened when I was physically at my best. I took kickboxing class in Taipei, and was by far in the best shape of my life. My confidence was sky high and eventually I met my wife at a club, which I used to hate going to because I felt I didn’t belong. (Turns out to be lots of fun).

In 2010, feeling stuck in life and out of shape, I trained for my first ever half marathon. I ran my first one in December. Then in February I ran a second one. It was around this time I began this blog and started work on my first iPhone app, Photo 365.

I always feel more focused and productive when I do exercise.

6. Wrote a letter to myself

I didn’t understand the power of writing letters, but it was something I felt would help me. One night in October 2010, after a terrible night at work, that’s what I did. I needed to get stuff off my chest, and have a reminder to stop wasting my life and take action. I typed it on my computer, printed it out, and taped it to my wall. From that day on, I was going to start making changes in my life that I wanted.

I still have that letter on my wall.

I’ve found other stories of people writing letters and how it’s helped them get out from terrible situations in life.

7. Took 100% responsibility for my life

If I wanted to have the type of life I dreamt of, it was up to me to get it. I had to stop waiting for someone else, and stop blaming others. If I was going to be happy and wealthy, it was because of me. If I was going to be unhappy and poor, it was because of me.

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